Maid To Wife - Luke Bryan

6 - Finally, It Comes Out

I woke up early and got my shower and dressed for the day. I did my yoga before my shower, and I waited for the boys to get up. They got up late today around 8ish. Luke was up around 7. He talked to me. I was trying to keep my mood in a high spirit. I felt like Luke would automatically know if I was in a depressed mood. When the boys got up we got them fed and dressed. They were playing when Luke's parent's got here at 9:50 they were excited to see their grandparents.

"Mama, Pa, this is Nikki. She helps me around the house and with the boys." He smiled introducing me to his parents as we stood in the house.
"Nice to meet you honey. Luke told me about you."
"Nice to meet you too." I shook her hand.

We talked for about an hour and then they were out. Luke was in the kitchen grabbing a drink. I went upstairs to make sure I had my wallet on me and went into the kitchen. He told me he was done and was joining me. We took my truck and were riding to the store. We were listening to the radio and a Carrie Underwood Song came on. It was Just a Dream. The song seemed like something I knew but I couldn't think of it. The lyrics said, "baby why'd you leave me, I was counting on forever, now I'll never know, I can't even breath. It's like I'm looking from a distance standing in the back ground…" I quickly turned the song onto some random station. My hand gripped the steering wheel more. I saw Luke from the corner of my eye look at me with a questioning look.
I couldn't wait to make it to the store. I needed to get out and breathe. When we got out I stood for a few seconds and Luke was walking ahead he noticed I wasn't besides him so he stopped. He looked at me concerned but I quickly walked to him. We got the shopping done in two hours because Luke was talking to people. This was the longest I've been in this store and I was okay. I was lost in my thoughts a lot. He introduced me to everyone who talked to them and they all seemed nice.

When we got back into the truck he buckled up and turned on the radio. We got it back on another country station. Then that song played again. What the hell am I being haunted or something? Why today? Why does it have to be right fucking now? I gripped the steering wheel because he was humming it. The lyrics "then they handed her a folded up flag. She held onto all she had left of him. Ohh what could have been? Then the guns ring once last shot, and it felt like bullet in her heart…" My knuckles turned white holding onto the wheel so hard. I had to turn the station again and it was on some kind of hip hop station. I left it on that. He did the same thing again. This time he actually talked.

"I guess you don't like that song?" he asked. I looked at him real quick.
"No." I said sternly. He nodded and then looked out the window.

We got to his house and we got everything put away. We went our own separate ways; well I made it that way because I quickly went up to my room. I sat on my bed on my phone checking Facebook and everything. Then I went into my closet and got out my photo album. I sighed looking at it. I sat on my bed opening it looking through it seeing all my memories. Seeing these memories made my heart break but I didn't cry. It's been so long I couldn't cry anymore. I then heard a knock on my door frame. I put the album next to me and looked up at Luke.

"Hey." he said softly with a soft expression of concern on his face.
"HI." I said barely able to be heard.
"Can I come talk?" He asked. I nodded moving over to one side so he can sit. He sat next to me and put his hands on his knees. He looked at me and gave me a small smile. I tried to return it but couldn't I just looked away. "You alright?" I just nodded. I honestly was okay, just sad at the same time. "I just want to let you know if you need to talk, just let me know. I'll take time out of anything. I can see something is bothering you. If you don't want to talk about it now, that's okay. I just want you to know someone is here." I looked over at him and he stared into my eyes. I felt warm staring back into his. I felt comfort in his eyes.
"It's hard to talk about." I said. He nodded. "I…" I looked down. "I haven't had someone to talk to about this in so long. The one brother I'm close to, I tired talking to but he blocks it out. I can't talk to him. No one ever cared to know or ask." I kept looking down. I felt his warm hand go over mine.
"You are hurting, I can see. You can talk to me because I care. I really do. I will try to listen and understand the best I can. We all need someone to talk to about rough times. Even I had some, and hell my parents were hard to talk to about it but I still had that one friend." I looked over at him and he squeezed my hand. "Nikki, I care and knowing you for this short of time, I already hate seeing you upset. You're a beautiful woman that should smile every day and be happy. If you don't want to talk we can when you're ready. I'm not pressuring this." I nodded.
"I'm a widow Luke." I said looking down closing my eyes. His thumb rubbed my hand. "4 years ago today." I felt tears start to come and try to excite my closed eyes but I closed them harder. He put his hand on my back and rubbed it. "I haven't been able…. I have gotten…. I didn't know…" I started to say but didn't know where to go. Tears fell from my eyes. "We were high school sweethearts. We got married at 18 because he went into the military. Then he got sent overseas a few times. His last tour…. I got the knock on the door. With the men telling me he…. he…." I started crying hard now. Luke pulled me to him. "He was killed in action…." I sobbed. I did that for five minutes. He just held me and rubbed my back. I calmed myself a little bit. "I haven't been able to let no one know how I feel after it. My brother was his best friend after we got married. My brother won't talk to me about. He won't listen to how I feel. He won't talk to me about how I can help myself. I had to do everything on my own when he died. I had to sell the house. I had to get a job. The only thing I could do was maid work that would be quick and easy money. I ended up doing it and using it to keep me busy. I lost my first job because I was too depressed the first year of his passing. The people I worked for hit my button and made me yell and scream at them telling them their pieces of shit." I looked at Luke. "I promised to suppress it to not let that happen again. I didn't know how bad it would hurt to lose someone who cared so much because my parents never cared like he did. I have always felt so alone, afterwards. The distance between me and my brothers grew stronger and stronger. That's why I am so reserved. I'm so shy. I shut myself in because I don't want to let no one in so I can get hurt again. I'm scared. I'm lonely. I'm a mess." I said babbling and crying.

Luke pulled me closer holding me to him. My head was on his chest. His head rested on mine as he hushed me and soothed me. I felt safer in his arms even talking about this. Getting this off my chest made me feel like something was lifting. Like a huge weight off my shoulders and heart. I never revealed my feelings or admitted of being scared. When I started to calm down more Luke kept me in his arms till I only was sniffling. He pulled away and looked at me in the eyes. His eyes were saddening. He looked like he was hurting but he had so much care in his eyes.

"I know how you feel. I know what it's like to lose people so close to you. You're not alone in this. You don't have to be. You don't have to be scared. You are only a mess because you feel that way. Don't suppress your feelings because it only makes you cut yourself off from being able to get through it and live a happy, healthy, loving life." He closed his eyes and opened them a few seconds later. His eyes were glassy. "I've lost my brother and my sister. My ex wife was such a druggie and whore. That's why I take care of Bo and Tate. I use to blame myself for her being the way she was. I loved her to death but she died. She died and became a different person I didn't know. When we divorced she did get half of everything, but before she could use all the money she over dosed. Tater was 8 months old." He had a tear slip. Holy shit. That's what happened? I feel like my problem and sadness is hardly anything compared to what he has been through and he is doesn't look like it effects him after such short time. I really need to listen to him. He is so strong to be able to get through this. "I promised to get through it for my children. My sons couldn't see me the way I was for the first year of their mothers passing because I blamed myself for not being able to help her so she wouldn't have ended up the way she was. I had my dad to talk to. He helped me through it and to be able to get passed the depression, the being scared, and the hate for myself. He helped me realize I'm a strong individual and that I can do this. That's why I still do touring, that's why I still do the best for my kids." He sighed and then looked me in the eyes. He tours? What does he do? A band? "You are strong like me, possibly even stronger. It don't matter how much you've been through, just that you can make it through. I know it hurts. I know how you feel and to be honest, time is what really takes it away and letting things go. I can tell you you're a wonderful caring, loving, smart, talented, and beautiful woman, but you're just hurting by not letting things go. By doing that and knowing what our past was and that we got through it makes us stronger." He rubbed my arm and smiled at me. I smiled back. He is right. I let a tear slip down.
"I've always been scared of being alone. Never being able to love again. Never being able to have that family. Never being happy like I was. I guess I have to get over that fear and move on for myself to be happy. I've gotten over the fact that he is gone over a year ago and got past that but everything else I just couldn't shake." I looked down. He put his finger under my chin and made me look at him.
"And you won't be alone doing it. I will be here to help you. I know you don't know me as well as you probably want to be able to trust me but believe me if you can, that I will be here. I will help. You may be employed by me, but you're a human being. You're not working right now so we are talking as Luke and Nikki, not Employer and Employee." I smiled at him and hugged him. He hugged me right back. I felt happier and freer. I finally let this out and someone actually cares.
"I promise I'll try to open up more and try to let things go." I told him into his chest.
"You don't have to promise Darlin. Just believe you can do it. Have faith in yourself." He laid his cheek on my head and tightened his grip. The door bell went off.
"Holy shit, it's time already?" I said pulling away from him. He stared right back into my eyes again.
"Seems to be." He got up and grabbed my hands pulling me up. He kept our hands together. "I don't think you want people seeing you like this so, bathroom and then come down." he smiled. "I wanna see your pretty smile when you come down." I nodded. I smiled up at him.
"Okay." He let go and started to walk out the door. "Luke." I said and he turned around.
"Yes?"
"Thank you." I said.
"For what?"
"Listening. Talking to me. Caring." He smiled and walked back over to me. He put his hand on my face and I looked up at him.
"You're most welcome. Just remember anytime you need to talk just tell me and I'll listen." I nodded and smiled. Then the doorbell rang again. "Better be getting that." he said rubbing my cheek with his thumb. My face felt so warm and tender at his touch. It sent a chill down my spine. I smiled at him and then he left.