The Guy Next Door (Completed)

20

Lie Jun

I'm upset.

Not because of what my life has become but because of Patricia.

Hindi ako galit sa kaniya. There's no reason for me to feel that way. I'm pissed at myself. I just had a realization the moment that Lance what's-his-face guy took her.

Earlier, despite leaving me so she can go to school early, I was still happy because she left me a message. Everything was going fine but lunch time came, all my energy went down the drain.

Nasaktan ako nang tangayin siya ng lalakeng iyon. Habang nakatingin ako sa kaniya, I was hoping that she won't leave and choose to stay beside me but she crushed my hopes nang piliin niya ito nang walang pag-aalinlangan.

Maybe I am too full of myself?

Nasa isip ko kasi, hindi niya ako iiwanan, na kahit may iba pa siyang makilala, sa tabi ko pa rin siya kakain ng lunch. Dahil sa laki ng ego ko, heto ako ngayon at lugmok kasi iniwan niya ako para makasama iyong lalakeng iyon.

Alam ko sa sinasabi ko ngayon, pinalalabas ko na parang girlfriend ko siya na iniwan ako para sa ibang lalake. Well I do wish she's my girlfriend.

My feelings for her started showing when she threw me that Christmas party. Sobrang saya ko noong gabi na iyon dahil nito na lang ulit ako nakaranas ng ganuon, na may mag-abala para mapasaya ako. That night, gandang-ganda ako sa kaniya.

Akala ko nga noong una, dala lang ng alak kaya hindi ko masyado inisip. Kahit na gustong-gusto ko siya halikan noon nang maiwan kaming dalawa sa salas, pinigilan ko ang sarili ko kasi ayokong masira ang mayroon kami dahil lang sa isang pagkakamali.

Hindi ko masyado inisip ang nararamdaman ko. Dumaan ang ilaw araw, hindi ko na maialis ang tingin sa kaniya. By then, alam ko nang nagkakagusto na ako sa kaniya. But still I let it slide by thinking, hey, crush pa lang naman ito. It will go away kapag hindi ako gumawa ng paraan para lumaki ito.

Ang hindi ko alam, the more I conceal it, the more it grows.

Hanggang sa isang araw, gumising na lang ako't siya ang una kong gusto ko makita and at that moment, naisip ko, tangina, I love her.

I want to see her. I want to be near her. I want to play games with her. I want to hold her hands, be intimate with her – I want to do all sort of fun stuff with her but I can't because there are limitations that I need to consider.

I kept what I'm feeling towards her a secret. Ayokong masira ang mayroon kami. I saw how hurt she was when Gavin didn't reciprocate her feelings. I don't want to end up like that and so I thought, maybe hiding my feelings is better kasi araw-araw ko pa rin siyang nakakasama at nakakasabay kumain.

I don't want to risk it all to get something that has no assurance and end things with her. She's too important for me. Besides, ang bata pa namin.

"Okay. Spill it, Jun."

It was Gavin who broke the silence. Narito kami sa isang hotel na binook ko and thankfully, allowed ang alcohol rito. I want to drown myself with alcohol para makalimot kahit sandali and I know this will help.

Naupo si Gavin sa kama matapos ilapag ang mga alak sa paanan nito. The room I booked isn't that spacious dahil gagawin lang naman natin itong venue ng inuman. If I wasn't hurt by what happened earlier, I wouldn't book this room or even buy alcohol. Ang laki tuloy ng nawala sa akin.

"Ano bang nangyayari? Kanina pa ako naguguluhan." Sinundan ko si Axel sa pag-upo niya sa sahig. "Kanina pa ako nawiwirduhan sa iyo, Jun. At anong sinasabi nito ni Gavin na spill it?"