My Hero Academia: Hell is a Mess

Old Izuku

Prompt: I always see these 'age-down' fics and shit. What if Izuku's hit with an age-up quirk?
I want more mature-but-chaotic Izukus lol.
I got you, Crynch from Discord.
Update after writing: I forgot the mature part, but did you really expect that to happen?

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I don't even know why I bother to become a hero at this point when everything I do as a hero gets me caught up in something. I GOT CAUGHT UP IN SOMETHING AGAIN!

Fuck me. Not literally, but you get what I mean.

Welp, what happened to me this time?

I'll give you a hint: I am currently beating the shit out of a villain with a cane another guy let me borrow.

Of course, they can't arrest me because YOU SHOULD RESPECT YOUR FUCKING ELDERLY, YOU FUCKWADS!

The heroes at just watching me beat the shit out because nobody wants to face me. After knocking him out, I hand the blood-covered cane off and strut-

OWITY FUCK! OKAY, WALK OFF! DAMN, MY BACK HATES ME WHEN I AM OLD!

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Okay, so I noticed a couple of things about my old self:

A: I am old. Let's be honest with ourselves here; I am more likely to die of my stupidity before reaching this age.

B: My hair isn't grey but rather a really light green. There are some grey strands here and there, but it looks cool!

C: I still have muscles. All I have to say for that is blessed.

And finally, D: I AM FUCKING SHORTER! I AM UNDER 4 FOOT (122 CM) NOW! WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS THIS?!

"SHOUTA, I HATE THIS!"

The other old who looks like a hobo groans, "Maybe if you weren't so reckless, you wouldn't be in these situations."

"Tell that to God, and respect me because I am an elder!"

Hizashi butts in, "Um, Izu, no offense, but you would be lucky if you reached that age."

I pull out a cane I picked up along with way, "YOU WANT TO GO, BLONDIE?! YOU SHOULDN'T BE DYING YOUR HAIR! IT'S A SIN TO GOD!"

"We both know it's natural."

Then, Nemuri had to come in and say, "Does that mean he's of age-"

I cut her off, "You need Jesus."

She pouts in return. What did you expect?!

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"Hey, look! I can sit still!"

Shouta huffs, "Yet, you are still hyper."

"RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!"

"Okay, boomer." Did Hizashi just?

"GET OVER HERE!"

"I PLEAD FOR FORGIVENESS!"

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I added a gun to my cane.

Mei supports.

Maijima is disappointed.

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"Midoriya, you really need to stop getting into these situations."

"Okay, yeah, but answer me honestly, RG: Am I cute- OW! I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR AN OPINION!"

"You are focusing on the wrong things!"

"Maybe you are!"

"I recommend you get out before I knock you out."

I make sure to flip her off as I leave.

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"RESPECT YOUR ELDERS, KACCHAN!"

"SHUT UP, DEKU!"

"YOU MILLENIALS THINKING YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND WORK!"

Uraraka taps on my shoulder, "Uh, Izuku, I think you are having way too much fun with this."

"Can you blame me?" She has to consider it.

"No?"

"Alright then!"

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"Hey, Yagi, we relate somewhere now!"

"Really, Youg Midoriya?"

"I AIN'T SO YOUNG NOW, AM I?! At least I am in better shape than you. You are missing half of your body and lack muscle."

Yagi shakes his head in disappointment. Oh well.

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Snipe shudders, "If Midoriya has this much energy even at this age, the world is screwed."

"Um, it's been screwed since it started existing. It has to end eventually!"

Snipe doesn't even respond when he goes to lock himself in his dorm.

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Remember everybody: RESPECT YOUR FUCKING ELDERS OR YOU WILL DIE TO OLD HICKORY!