Under Your Nose : A One Direction Fan Fiction

Jill POV : Part 45

It's funny how one minute you can be on the top of the world happy and just a week later totally the opposite depressed.  Louis and the rest of the guys are leaving for Sweden to record their next album.  From what I can tell they will be there for a few months and after that they will go right into promoting so I don't know when I will see him again.  I have been busy with my job so while they had their week off I wasn't home.  I am a wreck.

I have been hiding in my little corner of the living room.  I can't even watch them pack this time.  This time it's different.  This time we are in love.  This is why I didn't want to get close.  I have never really had a relationship where I was away from that person for so long.  I keep thinking in the back of my mind the reason Eleanor broke up with him.  She just couldn't take it anymore.  What if that happens to me?  It would kill me.  I would never want to hurt him.

"What are you thinking about?" Harry asks as he peaks his head in between the dividers.  I didn't know he was there so he startled me a bit.

I can't even look at him.  The tears are starting to well up in my eyes and I don't want him to see me crying.  I don't answer him.  I just continue to look at my laptop.  I feel him sit down next to me.  I finally let out a whisper, "I can't do this."

He puts his arm around me.  "You are one of the strongest girls I know.  You will be fine.  I promise."

"Why did you make me fall in love with him?"  I know that's an irrational thought but I am emotional right now.  Harry understands me so he knows I don't mean anything by it.

"We will be back before you know it.  You should go talk to him...maybe give him a little something something."

I look up at him and he has a big grin on his face.  I push him.  "You're bad!"

"What?  I know you and I know how long it's been.  You should get some before he leaves."

I can't even look at him.  Part of me is embarrassed and the other part thinks maybe it's a good idea.  I don't know.  We are taking things slowly but they are going to be gone for a while.  I can't just go in there and demand sex from the guy.  I don't operate that way.  I don't even know if I will be able to do it knowing Harry is in the house.  He'll probably listen in at the door or something.  This is why I need my own place.  "Fine, I will go talk to him."

I walk to Louis's bedroom not really knowing what I am going to say or what I am going to do.  I can't just ignore him until he goes away.   That wouldn't be fair.  It's just easier that way.  I stand in the doorway and he doesn't notice me at first.  He is putting clothes in and then taking them out of the suitcases.  I giggle, I guess he can't decide what to pack.  He looks up and smiles.  "I didn't see you there," he says.

"I am going to Zayn's for a bit," Harry yells as he grabs his keys and his coat.  "You two have fun!"  I blush again.

"What was that all about?" Louis asks, genuinely confused.

What should I say?  Should I try to seduce him?  I don't even know if he is ready.  Who am I kidding?  He is a guy, of course he's ready.  The question is am I?  I usually don't think too much about things.  I am an act now, think later kind of person but look where that has gotten me.  "Harry wants us to have sex before you leave.  Did I really just say that out loud?"

He just laughs.  I don't find it funny.  I find it mortifying.  "It's not a bad idea.  I mean.  If you don't think it's a bad idea.  I don't think it's a bad idea."

"This is the most romantic discussion I have ever had," I say sarcastically.  He laughs but neither of us move a muscle.  Where do we go from here?  His laughing is making me laugh and now we are both laughing.  Is there a time in history where a giggle fest turns into sex?  Probably not.

We finally stop laughing and now it just seems a little awkward.  This is not how I expected it to go.  Did I even expect to do it?  I don't know.  For the first time in my life I am scared to take it to the next level.  He stands up and walks over to me.  I lean my back against the wall as he presses his body against mine.  In the blink of an eye his lips are on mine.  I put my arms around him to pull him closer, as if that's even possible.  My hands go up his shirt and explore his body.  He backs up until he makes it to his bed and I follow him.  He sits down and pulls me by the hips in between his legs.  "I'm ready for this if you are," he says into my ear, which sends shivers down my spine.

I take my shirt off and throw it on the floor.  "I'm ready."