Under Your Nose : A One Direction Fan Fiction

Louis POV : Part 50

I didn't want to start off the tour this way.  This wasn't my plan.  Up until yesterday I had all intentions of staying with Jill.  I do love her after all.  It's because I love her that I had to do what I did.  I hate that it came to that but it did.  I can't undo it now.  After time we will be ok.  Maybe we will be friends again.  I hope we could become more.  Harry isn't very happy with me but he's not acting any different towards me either.  We are going to be spending a long time together over this year.  There is no use in fighting.

Our tour starts off today.  Just like last year we are starting off in London and going from there.  It'll be good to be home without any distractions before traveling around the world with this heavy heart.  I am not happy or proud of what I did but I did it to protect Jill.  She deserves someone who will be there for her when she needs him.  I'm never home.  I can't give her that.

I don't think I've left my room since yesterday. I get a knock at my door but he doesn't wait for me to respond before he opens the door.  "How are you doing?" Harry asks as he leans on the door frame.

"I feel," I pause to find the words to describe how I am feeling, "like the worst person in the world."

He walks over and sits on the bed next to where I am lying.  "It probably wasn't your best move."

"That's putting it nicely."  I admit it.  I do have regrets.  My timing wasn't the best.  I could have thought about it a little longer than I did.  Maybe there could have been another way to make it work.  I just know what I've been through before.  I didn't want to go through that again.  "Where did she go?"  Like I even have the right to ask.  I'm the reason she left.

"She's staying at Damien's until we leave."  I just snarl.  I hate that guy.  He doesn't respect women.  I don't even know how she can be friends with him.  I don't feel comfortable with her staying there, not like I can do anything about it.

"I really screwed up, Harry."

"Yeah you did.  Jill is the girl for you, though, you're going to have to come up with a way to get her back."

"So much can change in a year."

He pats me twice on the leg then stands up.  "Not fate."  He leaves the room.  The car will be here soon to pick us up to take us to the arena.

I keep playing it in my head.  The look of devastation on her face won't leave me for a while.  I realize I did a horrible thing.  We should have stayed friends, roommates.  I wasn't ready for a new relationship.  I hadn't healed from my last one. Maybe I'm just making excuses.  I don't know anymore.  I thought I was doing the right thing.  Why do I feel so terrible if this what was best for the both of us?