Under Your Nose : A One Direction Fan Fiction

Louis POV : Part 58

It's been a few months since I forgot the lyrics at a show and people still bring it up to me.   I guess I'll never live it down.  There have been signs at some concerts with the lyrics I messed up on.  The guys have a good laugh every time.  It's still embarrassing to me.  I had a lot on my mind that night.  I just got lost in my thoughts and forgot what we were singing.  I hate to even admit that.  I'm supposed to be a professional.  It'll never happen again, that I know for sure.

Jill and I have talked a few times on the phone but it doesn't seem like anything has changed.  It feels a little off.  I know I am holding a bit back and she probably is too.  I don't know if we are going to make it.  It just doesn't feel like it used to.  I feel guilty.  I know this is all because of me. I should have just let things be.  I love her and I know she loves me.  I don't know if she will ever truly forgive me or trust me again.  We keep trying to keep in touch at least.  That's an improvement from a few months ago.  I am going to be talking to her tonight.  I feel bad because we are in America now and there is such a big time difference.  I guess it should say something that she is willing to wait up all night to talk to me.

I am not going to lie, I am pretty excited.  Every time we make plans to talk I am excited for the whole day.  Even though it doesn't feel the same, it feels better than when I don't get to talk to her.  Maybe we are slowly building our relationship back up.  I don't know.  It's so hard to tell.  She doesn't really open up.  I don't blame her.  I am an idiot.

We are on our way back to the hotel after the concert.  I texted Jill to let her know.  She replies back.  I am surprised she hasn't fallen asleep yet.  It's a 5 hour time difference.  As soon as we get to the hotel I rush to my room and set up my laptop.  This is the first time I will be Skyping with her since the breakup.  I can't wait to see her.  She calls me and I cannot hit the connect button fast enough.  When I see her face on the screen I can't help but smile.  She still looks beautiful even when she's half asleep. When she sees me she smiles too.

"Hi," I say as I settle onto the bed.  I want to jump through the screen and hug her.  Seeing her again after so long is like breathing a breath of fresh air.

She rubs her eyes and opens them wide.  "Hi," she replies back.  I catch myself staring at her instead of trying to think of something to say.

I snap out of it.  "It's nice to see you.  How have you been?"

"I've been ok.  I am finally all the way moved into my house.  It's been a little lonely but I've made a few friends at work to hang out with.  How is it over there in my home country?"

"Good.  Massive crowds.  It's been fun."  I find myself a little lost for words.  I'd be happy just looking at her all night.  I've forgotten how much seeing her smile makes me smile.

"That's good," she says then pushes her hair behind her ears.  "Eight more months."

It has to be a good sign that she is counting down the months, right?  Maybe she is even looking forward to me coming back home.  We have so much to work on.  "It'll be here before you know it."

She rests her head on her hand.  I can tell she is so tired but I don't want her to go.  I am not ready to say goodbye yet.  "I miss you."  I just had to tell her.  I don't want to hold back.  She needs to know how I feel.  She needs to know I am not ready to give up yet.

"I miss you too, Lou, but..."Oh god there is a but.  I am freaking out.  She hasn't continued with her sentence yet.  It looks like she is thinking.  I was feeling good for two seconds until she said but.  "Never mind.  I miss you too."

"I know you're tired.  I'll let you go.  Promise me we will do this again.  I love seeing you."

She smiles.  "Yeah, we can do this again.  Talk to you soon.  Goodnight."  She waves goodbye and I wave back.  Before I get a chance to respond she disconnects the call.  I wanted to tell her goodnight but the words wouldn't come out.

I wasn't ready to let her go.  What if she changes her mind and I don't get to see her again for a while.  There is still so much I want...I need to say to her.  She needs to know that I know I made a terrible mistake and that I can't live without her by my side.  I want to beg her to take me back and I promise to spend the rest of my life making up for the pain I have caused.  I need to tell her I love her.  She needs to know.