Under Your Nose : A One Direction Fan Fiction

Louis POV : Part 56

I sit in my hotel room staring at my phone for I don't even know how long.  Just as I was starting to feel normal again I get this text from Jill. She says she loves me.  I don't want to admit it but I still love her too.  I'm supposed to be moving on with my life.  This was my decision after all.  It's not supposed to be this hard.  I know she was out last night.  The pictures are all over the place.  I wouldn't have seen them if the fans didn't flood my twitter with them.  She was out with that guy Damien.  I don't like him at all.  I get mad when they talk about hanging out.  He kissed her.  I've seen the picture.  How could she kiss him and in the same night tell me she loves me?  What am I supposed to believe?  I look at the time, it's almost time to go.  I can't worry about this right now but it's all that's on my mind.

I put my phone in my pocket and walk into the hotel hallway.  Liam is already standing out there with Paul. Soon everyone else comes out and joins us and we follow security to the bus.  The guys are all joking with each other and being loud but I lie down on my bunk staring at my phone.  I want to answer her back so badly.  I want to tell her that I hate that she kissed that guy.  I want to say I made a terrible mistake and I need her.  I can't.  What if she's moving on?  She could have sent that drunk and not even realize she sent it.  I would feel foolish if I replied and she didn't really feel that way.

"Turn off the phone, Louis," Zayn says as he rests his arms on my bunk, "you're just torturing yourself."

"I'm an idiot," I say, "I should have never pushed her away."

"You can't do anything about it now.  There's no use in obsessing over it." He puts his hand out and I assume he wants me to give him my phone.  I place the phone in his hand and I watch him slip it into his pocket.  He gives a sideways smile and walks to the back of the bus where the rest of the lads are.  I jump down and follow him.

Niall is telling some kind of story and he only pauses enough for me to sit down and he continues.  I am only half paying attention.  Harry is typing on his phone and I can't help but wonder if he's talking to Jill.  I wouldn't dare ask him, especially not out loud in front of everyone.  I try to make eye contact and hopefully give him a pathetic enough look so he knows what I am thinking.  Maybe, just maybe, he could talk to her for me.

It takes him a few minutes until he finally looks over at me.  I give him my best pouty face sad look and pray he understands what I mean.  He smirks and goes back to typing on his phone.  It could bet that he understood me or it could be he's telling the world on twitter how pathetic I am.  I wouldn't be surprised if he was.  I feel pretty pathetic.

When we get to the arena I let everyone walk out in front of me so I can get Harry alone and see if he was getting what I was trying to tell him.  We give ourselves enough distance between us and the the rest of the group that security doesn't have to worry about us but nobody is really within listening distance either.  "Tell me you were able to read my brain," I whisper as we walk through a tunnel and into the arena.

"She's going to Skype with me later after the show.  I'll let you know how that goes."

I give him a pat on the back.  "You're a good friend."  He gives a big smile and walks faster to catch up with the rest of the group.  I maintain my pace.  I am in no rush to get anywhere.  To be honest I am not really in the mood to perform tonight but it's not like I have a choice.  I pop in my earbuds to listen to some music to clear my head.  I can't be feeling like this on stage.  They'll all know.  Until Harry talks with Jill it's a mystery what she's thinking so there's no use in getting myself worked up over it.  I sit down on the floor with my knees up,  arms draped over my legs and head resting on my arms and I let the music take over.