Life As A Teasdale

Ch.157

I flew to LA with Phoebe to visit Logan and then fly back to New York. I really didn't want to come to LA because I never know if I could run into Harry. I haven't even talked to him. He called and texted me for a while but I ignored him. Harry and I always were going back and forth and I had to stop it. I see him out with her and it still hurts me but I'm okay with it. I was with him for too long and it needed to end a while ago but we didn't. I will always love him but one day I will be past this. He always texts me at 3 am and it makes me wonder if he's just out and drunk. It's how it use to be. He has never had a long relationship until I came around and I shouldn't have had it go that long. I have realized that. Maybe this trip will get me a new guy and I can try to move past what I'm feeling.

"Hey guys" Logan smiled as we walked to us and Phoebe set her bag down.

"Logan please tell me that you're mum made those amazing cookies"

"Nice to see you too Phoebe, and she did"

I watched them agree and laughed. Phoebe walked to his car and he hugged me.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine how are you"

"Great"

They dropped me off at Bridget and Molly's place so I can see them for a little. They opened the door and I hugged them.

"Ellie I'm so glad you're in town"

"Me too only if-"

"Harry wasn't here?"

"No" I mean that's not really the reason but it is a little.

"Well sit and we will let you say whatever you want"

I thought about it for a while and wondered if it was a good idea.

"Let me say whatever I want?"

"Yes. I know how everyone thinks that's bad but how can you move on if you can't get it all out?" Bridget smiled sweetly at me.

"You're right"

"Began" Molly grinned.

"Well.." I began and stopped.

"I fucking miss Harry. I miss him so damn much like I hate him right now but I miss him. He was mine and he isn't anymore and I feel like a little girl who hates sharing a toy but he is t a toy. He's a human that I love with all my heart. But he isn't being a dick I am being a bitch. I'm blocking him away but it's what makes me go on each day. I can't let him back in because I will fall apart. Phoebes roommate is like really sweet and she doesn't even know we almost hooked up. Nothing happened but he's really sweet and I can act the way I want. I could do that with Harry but I can have a real relationship with Logan. If I wanted to hug or kiss him in the street I could. I can't do that with Harry" I ranted and they didn't look annoyed at all.

"Logan is cute" Molly smiled and nodded and I laughed and shook my head.

"I just have so many things that haven't been said with Harry but I can't say them"

"Why though?"

"Because I can't keep myself together when I look at him. Even a fucking little picture makes me start to cry"

"Aw Ellie" Bridget frowned and I shook my head.

"Did you delete all the pictures on your phone"

"Actually no, I don't want to ever get rid of them. I know it's bad but once in a while I look at them and cry. But it's something that is good for me in a way"

Bridget, Molly and I went to Logan's parents house. It was a nice one that happened to be 6 blocks from where Harry is staying. I find it amusing.