A Little Sane

Chapter 114

A month later.

Mercedes set at the kitchen table drinking tea, but staring into blank space. Jessie tugged on her arm.

"Mommy look! I drew you a picture! You like it?!"

Mercedes stared at his picture with a blank expression. Her voice was lacking of any emotion.

"Yes baby. That's great. Go put it up and I'll hang it up later."

Jessie ran back down the hallway. A few moments later a warm and gentle kiss landed on her cheek. Jerome smiled lovingly at her. 

"Did you take your meds this morning?"

Mercedes spoke without looking at him.

"Yes I did."

She finally faced him. She stared blankly at Jerome's loving look. She could barely feel the love she knew she had for him. Her stomach hurt. It was extremely hard for her to find an ounce of energy to smile. She nodded.

"I took them. Don't worry."

Jerome tried to study her face. He couldn't read anything. He gently cupped her cheek. He leaned in a gently kissed her lips. He rested his forehead on hers.

"You're doing so good.. I'm so proud of you.. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

Mercedes spoke those words, but for some reason she couldn't feel them. She knew they were true, but she couldn't make those feeling surface. Jerome gave her a weak smile and stood up. He began to leave the kitchen.

"Jerome.."

He stopped and instantly turned to meet her expressionless gaze. 

"Yes doll face?"

Mercedes felt like a zombie and had for weeks. Everything she had ever done wrong was weighing on her mind. She wanted desperately to stop feeling so dead inside. The pills were making her feel awful and like her life wasn't worth it anymore.

"I don't think this meds are working for me..."

Jerome knelt in front of her. His thumb gently rubbed her cheek. He smiled with a small sigh.

"Baby.. I understand.. but it's only been a month.. maybe just a little longer.. I-I don't how we'll change meds without... you getting locked up again.. and it's not safe to not take anything at all.."

Mercedes stared straight threw him. She felt cold. A sad, but comforting cold feeling washed over her gently. Jerome let his lips linger on her forehead.

"I'm right here.. okay?"

They hadn't been in even an argument in weeks. Mercedes didn't have the energy to even get out of bed. Jerome dragged her out everyday. Aislinn ran into the kitchen.

"Mariana is crying. I think she's hungry. Can I feed her mommy?"

Mercedes nodded without turning to look at her child. She spoke in an unemotional tone.

"Let daddy help you."

She was a highly wanted criminal in Gotham who had committed terrible crimes. She had killed several people and disfigured a member of the law. She was in love with a psychopath and another criminal. The worst part of it all to Mercedes, was that her children had no idea who their parents were. They had no clue about their work. That they were criminals. That their father could be abusive to their mother, but was such a perfect manipulator to keep her around. They had no idea what their parents went through as children. Mercedes no longer felt like the good person she thought she was. She knew she wasn't a good person. She felt it was stupid to be raising such well mannered and great kids that knew right from wrong when she couldn't go by the same rules. She felt everything that had fought for was pointless. Hugo Strange was still out there doing God knows what and Mercedes knew that. Mercedes had started to feel like God was a lie. She couldn't understand why she being put through everything she was going through. The voices and the demons didn't even bother her anymore. In fact she welcome them. Sometimes she would just sit there and stare at them. She knew that Jerome cared and loved her, but she felt like he wasn't listening. Mercedes could hear Jerome and Aislinn feed Mariana. She knew Mariana didn't fit in at their house. She started to feel like she was a shitty mother for giving birth and putting her daughter through this weird and embarrassing family situation. She knew Jerome didn't really treat her horribly, but he didn't treat her the same as the twins. Mercedes stayed hard at work, but when she was at home she was a complete zombie.

Jerome gently kissed the inside of Mercedes' right thigh. He gently sunk his teeth into it. He smirked and lifted his gaze towards Mercedes when he didn't hear anything. Mercedes was staring straight at the ceiling. He lifted himself slightly. He tilted his head. 

"Mercedes..? Doll face are you okay?"

Mercedes was taken from her trance. She shook her head.

"Huh? Oh yeah. You're fine."

Jerome gently placed his hand on her stomach. He set up a little more.

"Baby..? You're off in space.."

Mercedes laid her head back and looked back at the ceiling. She shrugged.

"I said you're okay. I'm fine. You can keep going if you want."

Jerome watched her for a moment. He couldn't figure out anything behind her action. Jerome tried to continue on his current course. His fingers slowly ran his fingers down the inside of her thigh. He lowered his head and licked up the imaginary line his fingers drew. He gently pulled her underwear off of her body. Her body was responding by covering his tongue with wetness as he lapped it up, but she was staying still and not making any sound. Jerome tried to get into it so she would hopefully start reacting. She didn't move at all. Her entire body just laid there and she was not vocal at all. Jerome finally stopped and stood up. His wife was still staring at the ceiling. He sighed and walked into the bathroom, grabbing a wash cloth. He gently cleaned up his wife private area. 

"Are you tired? Do you want to go to bed?"

Mercedes slowly nodded. She turned on her side and scrunched into a ball. She stared at the door of their room. Jerome turned off the lights, climbed into the bed and gently kissed her cheek. He laid next to her staring at her back.

"Mercedes I love you.. goodnight.."

"I love you too.. goodnight.."

Mercedes stared into the darkness until her eyes slowly fell shut and she drifted into sleep. Sleep was the only time she found any peace.