A Little Sane

Chapter 126

The wind blew Mercedes' hair around her shoulders. It was around thirty degrees outside as she stood on the roof on of her apartment building. Mercedes was wearing short sleeves with pants and no jacket. She was in deep thought staring out at the city. TaTyana and Ed refused to leave for a few days. Mercedes was given mandatory meeting with Lee and another therapist for a few weeks to make sure her medicine was doing it's job and that she was getting out any problems she was having. Jim had agreed to not take away for the time being. A mandatory house and behavioral check was set for a month from Mercedes' release date. If everything seemed to be in order they could keep the kids. She hadn't even been to her apartment. She went straight to the roof. She felt she couldn't look her children in the face until she had a a few minutes to herself. The vivid memory of plunging the pole into her stomach was doing a marathon around her brain. Jim knew that he would never be able to get Jerome to give up his weapons, but Jerome had to confirm that the room the weapons were in had a passcode lock that the children couldn't get into. Jerome also had to change the code and was strictly not allowed to tell Mercedes what it was. They had to lock all of her weapons Jerome had given her inside the room. After Gordon and Bullock did a complete sweep of the apartment, there was not a single gun or special knife hidden anywhere except the locked weapon room. Jerome was never one to follow orders from the law, but he knew that they were serious when they said that if anything else ever happened, his entire family would ripped apart. Mercedes never saw this happen, but she was in the room at the hospital when they spoke about it. As her deep thinking continued, she finally came to terms with that fact that at the time of her attempted suicide, she really didn't want to be alive anymore and she meant to do exactly what she did. Mercedes knew she had turned everyone's lives upside down. She was still in charge of the Gotham underground, because Jeremiah took of it while she was in the hospital. She had no idea how she was going to do anything. She had no idea what she was even so broken over about anymore. Too much had happened. Her thoughts slowly faded away.

"I know you're behind me..."

Mercedes extended her hand behind her back, reaching for another hand. Once she felt a cold hand gently grab hers, she pulled the person closer to her  and wrapped their arm around her waist. Jerome gently laid his head on her shoulder. She sank herself back into his form. Jerome spoke calmly.

"Are you .. okay?"

"No."

Jerome didn't say a word. He gently kissed her cheek. He gently turned her around by her waist.  Mercedes stared at him with a numb, blank expression. Jerome slowly nodded and leaned forward to gently press his lips to her forehead. 

"But, I will be." 

Jerome rested his forehead on Mercedes'. She spoke bluntly.

"How am I going to look at our children..?"

Jerome gently lifted her chin. He shook his head.

"Don't do that okay..? It's.. It's okay. It is. Don't start feeling ashamed of yourself over this. You were struggling."

"I didn't want to be here anymore Jerome..."

He gently held her face in his face in hands as if it was so fragile, one wrong slip of a finger could shatter it into a million pieces. 

"That is not your fault. We all should have noticed. I should have listened to you. I'm your husband. I'm supposed to protect you and take care of you. This? You overcame this. Maybe not a hundred percent yet, but you survived and you fully recovered because you are strong. Not even this could bring you down. Your emotions were completely valid and I can promise you that your kids will one day understand. They will also understand the courage and strength you had to get back up and keep going even if it might not have fully been what you wanted."

Jerome gently ran his fingertips underneath her shirt. He kept eye contact with Mercedes. She slightly jumped when his fingers gently found her stitches. She could see the sadness in his eyes. He parted his lips just enough to speak. 

"I'm your husband... I should have known.. I wasn't paying enough attention to you.. or I should have listened to you. I know you have this thing about being a strong empowered woman who doesn't rely on a man, but I'm supposed to overly protect you anyways. This isn't about me though. It's about you. I just wanted you to know that I truly am so sorry... I know that doesn't fix anything. I understand that. I was more terrified than I have ever been watching you in that hospital bed not waking up.. I promise you, with every bit of life I have left in me, I will do whatever I have to so I can help you get better. Whatever it is you need. No matter what I have to change."

Jerome noticed Mercedes was gazing in his eyes. He could tell she was absorbing all his emotions. She gently grabbed the wrist of his hand that was under her shirt. Jerome was caught off guard when she stood up slightly on her tip toes and pressed her lips into his. She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his shoulder. Jerome leaned his head into hers. He sighed.

"I know that it might not help and that this isn't a good time to tell you.."

Mercedes immediately lifted her head and interrupted him.

"No, please tell me you love me... Because I love you so much and it does help a lot more than you know.."

A few tears fell down her cheek. Jerome sadly shook his head and wiped away her tears. 

"Mercedes, I love you so much more than you anyone has ever loved someone." 

Mercedes fell into heavy tears.

"I'm so sorry I tried to kill myself and almost left you."

Jerome instantly pulled her back into a gentle hug. 

"Never ever apologize to me for having problems with your mental health. I'm sorry that I didn't take it at seriously as I should have."  

Mercedes sighed as she gently placed her hand on his chest to push him back slightly. 

"I can't even imagine how you were feeling and what was going on while I was in my coma... Look.. I'm glad that all these new measures are being taken for me I really am.. but.. it's almost too late.."

Jerome looked away trying to hide his sadness. They stood there in silence for a few moments. The silence was broken by Mercedes' stomach growling. Jerome gently placed his hand on her stomach. He gave her a weak smile. 

"Hungry?"

She found it in her emotions to smile and nod.

"I could eat."

They started walking back towards the door and Jerome gently grabbed her wrist. Mercedes turned around confused. Jerome gave her a genuinely loving smile.

"Please don't worry.. We're going to pass the child safety inspection. You're going to get better. If anyone was made to win battles... it was you. You got this." 

Mercedes stared at him for a few moments before she stepped forward and pecked his lips. She turned around and started walking through the door and down the stairs without another word. Mercedes wasn't sure if she was ready to see her children again yet. There was no way around doing it eventually. Jerome followed close behind her.