Forever, We Are Together // BTS Adopted Book 2 ✅

Chapter 42

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"Hi Suho, it's been a little while and I thought I'd check up on how you're doing?" I paused to listen, but nothing came. "And so, I also thought, maybe I should apologize? You know, I just... well I know it's been a while but something... just reminded me of you." Still, without a reply, I fumbled over what else I could say. "I was just eating dinner and it was... you know, kitchens, it was just Jungkook with a kni- Yeah-"

"Sujin." His voice suddenly at the other end of the line surprised me. "I'm not fragile. I can still say the word knife, and kitchen." On the other end of the line I could hear a laugh in the background. So he was with someone. I was probably interrupting them. "You don't have to treat me like I'm a small child who gets frightened every time someone says something relating to the kitchen."

"I'm..." my voice lowered. I knew I was going to mess it up again. "Sorry? I mean, well, I just mean, I'm sorry, because it sounds like you're busy." My hand smacked my forehead. "Maybe we could talk some other time? Or I can just explain real fast, or..." With a sigh I slightly hoped he could hear, I went for it. "Suho I'm sorry for thinking I was the one who had the rights to Jiho's journal, and all that. I know it isn't that easy for others. I just felt like I was the closest, and when I saw him writing about me, that was the only thing I could comprehend. I didn't think about how it'd affect anyone else..."

There was silence at his end for a minute. "You're not sorry. Not really, Sujin. I can hear it clear as day, even over the phone. I think that what's going through your brain is that I need to be apologized to-"

"No-"

"And you remembering a mention of my trauma just solidified that in your mind. Because I let it slip that I was depressed. All you can see me as, is another Jiho waiting to happen, another victim. Another Jiho you can pass your grief and emotions onto. If we were still speaking, who could tell you why?"

"Suho, it's not like that!" I said frantically. "Of course I want to know more about what happened, but I'm not using you as some means for closure."

"You are, you just don't see it."

"I'm not. How could I, Suho? I don't get it."

"You are, because I'm one of the closest things you can get to Jiho and closure for his death."

"But I'm not," I whispered. I wondered if I was trying to convince myself of that, not him. It wasn't a thought that'd occurred to me before, but it was surprisingly a point. "I'm not."

"Look, Sujin, if you're going to apologize to me, at least have the decency to do it in person and mean it. I don't want your guilty, false, sympathy ridden mumblings because you remembered I had a bad experience in a kitchen once," he sighed. "You're not even aware of what happened to me, just something vague Dae told you with my permission. It's not your place to try and mention it to me."

"I know it's not my place!" I snapped, immediately feeling even more guilty over it. I was trying to apologize and not start something else with him that might leave our already broken friendship in shambles. "It's not, Suho."

"It's not." He agreed matter of factly. "And I'm glad you're aware of that. I don't like talking about it or mentioning it, and I'm not trying to make you feel worse, but I think you should know not to bring up personal trauma considering you have your own. Now, Sujin, I'm going to go back to having a good night with my partner, and pretend this didn't happen. If I get another false apology, I won't be so inclined to forget. Have a good night." And he was gone again.

The only thing keeping me from bursting into tears of shame, embarrassment, and guilt was the fact he'd said he was with a partner. Surely, the last I'd heard was him and Yumiko had broken up. So who was it now?