p e r s o n a l l y ☆ 2jae

t w e n t y - t w o

"Choi Youngjae!"

Youngjae felt like he was going to be sick, his head was dizzy and the voices and shouting echoed in his ears. His hands stayed in the pockets of his hoodie while he fidgeted and nervously looked at the ground.

"This is unacceptable! You've been skipping class and lying to me about it! Not to mention your grades have dropped if I can even call it a drop. It's like you've throw it all out the window!"

It was a Saturday evening after Youngjae's parents had finally arrived home and his mother's screams were filling the house. Youngjae didn't know what to do. It was finally at the point where the school had called home about his antics.

"I.. I don't care.." he tried to say half-heartedly.

This only made the expression on his mother's face grow even more angry.

"Your father and I worked so hard to get you a good education and your siblings are always working so hard! How selfish is it that suddenly you choose you don't care anymore!"

There was a pause, a pause where she had to get back her breath after screaming for so long. But the worst was only to come.

"I can't BELIEVE that you would do this! How stupid! And foolish! And irresponsible!"

Youngjae hit a metaphorical wall and was at a breaking point, the blood in his ears ringing.

"I don't care okay! It's not like you do anything to actually be there for me! You're just yelling at me instead of asking why your son is so fucked up like this!!"

"How DARE you talk back to me in that voice and with that language!"

"You don't want me here anyway!" Youngjae yelled more angrily than before.

"If you don't want to listen you can leave! Leave then! Go!"

"Fine! I WILL go! It doesn't matter! Nothing fucking matters!"

His mother threw her arms up and pointed to the door.

"Go! Come back when you've remembered how to be respectful!"

Youngjae grabbed his phone and his wallet and stormed out, slamming the front door shut as he did so.

Instantly he felt the chill of the cold night's air, the heat of his anger quickly wearing away. He held himself together regretting not taking a jacket but knew going back in would be a sign of defeat. At this point he wasn't entirely sure where to go. His arms felt tired from having them previously clenched up in rage and his head was throbbing and making his vision feel cloudy.

He dragged his body towards the park and sat on one of the benches close to the road. Bright lights flared as cars passed by and the rev of engines added pressure to his already busy mind.

He felt like he was a vessel of anger and upset and unbearable nature just ready to explode. Youngjae was tired.

Tired of caring so much.
Tired of caring about what other people saw him as and feeling like worthless from it.
Tired of trying to keep up and tired of feeling like he had already given up.

He thought that changing himself would magically solve his problems. If he stopped caring about them then surely they would cease to exist.

But it didn't help.

Youngjae felt the cold seep though the fabric of his hoodie and pierce through his skin, his body hunched over and his hands gripping his hair in distress.

He felt alone.

Too much of a burden to want to talk to his friends, too much of a disappointment to go back to his family.

Youngjae's mind searched back through time, remembering the one person who made things feel okay again, good again even in all the chaos. The person who's touch was warm and even the smallest gestures made him feel whole. The person who he wanted to share everything with, who felt safe.

"Jaebeom.." he muttered to himself, not realising he had company.

".. Youngjae?"

His head twisted in an slow movement, his eyes hazy.
Jaebeom stared back at the other with look mixed with confusion and concern. He held a plastic bag filled with who knows what.

"Youngjae?"

At just hearing his name Youngjae broke down, loud sobs searing though the air. He covered his face in attempts to save his image, but all he could do was cry.

Instantly Jaebeom dropped what he was carrying and rushed to sit and hold him. He placed one had on Youngjae's back and one hand on his shoulder, rubbing in slow circles to try help calm things down.

"You're so cold.. " Jaebeom said to himself as took off his own jacket and wrapped it around the other like a cape.

Youngjae hunched over further, with every cry making a piece of the latter's heart break off and shatter, piercing him where it hurt most.

"Jaebeom.." he sobbed more.

"I'm here Youngjae."

The younger kept sobbing his name, and Jaebeom continued to reassure him. They sat like that for a long time, Jaebeom still holding Youngjae as his cries continued and eventually began to subside.

Youngjae took the jacket with his hands and wrapped it around him tighter to insulate the heat. It didn't smell of any pinpoint scent, but it smelt like comfort and security and the feeling of being accepted.
Most of all, it smelt like Jaebeom.

The boy was filled with sniffles and irregular breaths.

Jaebeom took his hands and warmed them up by rubbing them together, his breaths causing swirls to appear in the bitter cold.

He gently cupped Youngjae's face and turned him into view.

"Youngjae ah.. Look at me.. Breathe.."

He wiped the streaks of tears that were left down the younger cheeks.

"Breath.. In... And out..."

Youngjae followed the instructions, his chest rising and falling in synch with the other and the warmth from his hands pulling him back to reality. Listening to the elder's voice felt like the whole world had disappeared.

"Have you eaten?"

Youngjae shook his head, his cheeks still being smooshed by the elders palms. Jaebeom thought this was cute.

He reached into the bag from before and pulled out a small container of sushi.

Youngjae accepted it with both hands. He hadn't realised until now just how hungry he really was. His fingers shook as he tried to open up the plastic but before he could he was interrupted.

"Wait— that has cucumber in right? I'll give you something else."