p e r s o n a l l y ☆ 2jae

t h i r t y - s i x

"Jaebeom!"

The younger caught sight of the dark haired boy from afar and ran over to him. Jaebeom slammed his locker just as Youngjae arrived, causing him to jump at the action.

"Jaebeom.. Can we have lunch together?"

The younger fumbled with the hem of his sweatshirt waiting for a reply.

It never came.

"I thought we could study more.. Or we can just sit and eat lunch.." he added meekly, a small smile as the cherry on top, except the smile was weak and quickly fading once Youngjae looked into those eyes.

It was back. The cold and lonely Jaebeom that refused to talk to anybody, who always had a mean stare plastered on his face, who hated everyone and who everyone hated.

Except deep down Jaebeom didn't hate everyone.

Jaebeom ignored all of Youngjae's words, a loud sigh escaping his lips. He slung his bag over his shoulder and walked away, leaving Youngjae standing alone, aching more and more by the second.

A week had passed already by this point, one of the slowest weeks that Youngjae ever had to endure. Every step he tried to make towards the elder, Jaebeom seemed to take 2 steps back. In lessons Jaebeom refused to even look Youngjae in the eye despite the numerous attempts Youngjae made at conversing.

The light haired boy felt a hand on his shoulder, causing him to look up from his dejected gaze. Jinyoung smiled dejectedly and lead him back to the rest of the group who had been waiting not too far in their own anticipation.

Youngjae had already explained the incident with Jaebeom to his friends and it was no surprise that they were just as shocked at the sudden decision as Youngjae was. Of course, his friends told him things would work out, and reassured him constantly they were there for him.

Mark put his arm around the solemn looking boy, walking the group out from the hallway and back towards the front of the school to leave and get lunch.

"Youngjae ah, what do you wanna eat today? I'll pay," the eldest said trying to move the conversation along from the rejection Youngjae had just faced.

"I'm not that hungry hyung."

"You gotta eat something--"

"Is Mark hyung opening his wallet again?!" Bambam cried out from somewhere in the back of the group.

Mark quirked his head around and faked an aggressive look, balling his hand into a fist and putting it under the chin of the young one.

"Yah Bambam! Don't get greedy.."

Bambam laughed and shoved the fist away from his face, "Sure hyung.. But you're still buying right?"

Mark rolled his eyes and nodded. Yugyeom and Jackson were talking about something together whilst Jinyoung was invested reading something on his phone. As they continued walking they passed the secluded bush area and out of the corner of his eye Youngjae caught a dark figure sitting on one of the benches.

Jaebeom was listening to music, seemingly in deep thought as his head swayed and he glared down at his shoes. Youngjae stopped instantly in his tracks without really meaning too, jolting the hyung on his shoulder into nearly tripping.

"Hey what was that for--" he trailed his eyes to follow where Youngjae was looking, frowning when he finally saw the result. Without saying anything more he nudged Youngjae back to reality and urged him to walk onwards. Youngjae complied, although his head stayed turned as much as possible, keeping his eyes on the elder for the whole time until he was finally out of view.

.

.

.

Jaebeom was woken up by the table vibrating loudly. He peered over from his arms where he had fallen asleep and noticed his phone dancing about across the table. Lately his phone had been going off a lot, sometimes the others would text him, Jinyoung would ask how he was managing, but right now Jaebeom knew exactly who would be on the other end.

________

YJ, my sunshine
You didn't really mean it right?

YJ, my sunshine
We can still hang out together.

YJ, my sunshine
You're not really going to go back to not knowing me?

YJ, my sunshine
You don't really regret it right..

YJ, my sunshine
Please Jaebeommie..

________

Jaebeom got up from his desk, turning his lamp off and walking across his room. Once there he buried his phone under his pillow and fell face first onto his bed.

It had been like this a lot. He thought that doing this would make things better- but that sentiment couldn't be further from the truth.

And reading all of Youngjae's messages made him even more conflicted. He wanted to reply, to tell him he never regretted anything. But he was doing this because of Youngjae too.

Right now he had been attempting to study, except for some reason he had no motivation of all. In the end he had fallen asleep; forehead pressed against the table, arms shielding his eyes, the light of his lamp falling onto the back of his head and his dreams filled with nothing but the face of the younger. It was already too late for Jaebeom to get anything meaningful done, it wasn't like he really wanted to anyway, he had just been avoiding sleep because he really didn't want to have to wake up the next morning and do this all over again.

Youngjae was probably still awake too, how else would he be able to send text messages at this hour?

"Go to sleep Youngjae.." Jaebeom murmured to himself, exhaling a breath and closing his eyes, meanwhile picturing how Youngjae must have looked lying in bed, texting him all those messages only to get no response.

His body seeped into the mattress, his eyes heavy and sore from staying awake for too long. The quietness in his room felt more isolating than usual and it was then another image appeared in his mind, one of Youngjae finally giving up his wait, placing his phone on his bedside table and getting comfortable under the covers. Jaebeom pictured the light haired boy sleeping, using the same image of when he was asleep in his arms. The elder shifted onto his side and grabbed his covers into a bunch, cuddling them fruitlessly and burying his head into the dark fabric. Just before he drifted into his deep slumber, a few more words tumbled out of his chapped lips.

"Sleep well Youngjae ah.."