p e r s o n a l l y ☆ 2jae

t h i r t y - t h r e e

"I saw them on a date at the arcade once."

"If he really is making Youngjae that sad he should just dump his ass-"

"What if he's hurting Youngjae too?"

"I bet you that's why Youngjae wasn't in school for that whole week.. And why he kept skipping lessons after to avoid him."

"They're together all the time now though. Doesn't it seem strange that they acted like they hate each other but suddenly they're dating?"

"Youngjae's probably faking it. His smiles seem fake."

.

.

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Currently Youngjae and Jaebeom were in one of the music rooms during their free period working on some music together. Jaebeom was busy by the computer working on the composition and Youngjae was at the piano recording some chords for them to put together later on.

"We've got to do the melody next."

Youngjae nodded at Jaebeom's words, then humming the tune to himself.

Out of nowhere the practice room door burst opened, low and behold, Jinyoung rushed in looking slightly out of breath. The two boys turned to him with confusion plastered across their faces.

"Youngjae? Is it true?" he said hastily, his voice sounding rougher than usual.

The questioned looked blank, "Huh?"

Jinyoung turned to the other.

"Is it true Jaebeom hyung?"

Both remained silent until Jinyoung finally revealed what he was so worried about.

"You guys are dating?"

The pair were stunned and frozen in place.

"What?! No!" Jaebeom cried in an outburst, although deep down he sensed the hypocrisy in his tone.

Jinyoung turned to Youngjae who was still staring at the elder due to his large reaction. Youngjae was sad, but knew the harsh reality.
Not dating, but floating in the middle ground where both wanted more and both were unaware of the other's feeling.

"No. We're not.."

Youngjae paused for a second to try and sound more confident.

"Even if we were," Jaebeom quickly turned his head at the phrase, "Why do you look so upset about it?"

Jinyoung let out a big sigh and placed his hand on his forehead, "People are spreading rumours around it.. About you."

Youngjae turned a deathly pale and Jaebeom looked as if he was going to be sick.

"Rumours..? But why?" Youngjae asked sounding pained.

"I don't know. It's not good. Jackson's been trying to tell them to stop but too many people are already talking about it.. I'm not really sure how it started."

Youngjae let out an exasperated breath, putting his head into his hands momentarily before speaking up.

"What are they saying about me?"

Jinyoung's eyes shifted uncomfortably. He couldn't bare to look at either of his friends in this moment knowing how harmful the news he was bringing to them was.

"They're not really talking about you Youngjae.."

Youngjae's stomach sank, in the back of his mind he knew what to expect but didn't want to think about it at all.

"They're talking about Jaebeom."

Through all of this Jaebeom had remained silent. Not so much out of choice, but because he felt this throat dry up and his heartbeat irregular. He felt like someone had slit his vocal cords, leaving him powerless and useless in this situation.

Youngjae stood up abruptly from his seat and demanded Jinyoung take him to whoever was talking badly. Jinyoung reluctantly agreed, feeling guilty himself that he hadn't been able to stop anybody so far.
And besides, Jinyoung had never seen Youngjae look this visibly distressed before- his outburst in their biology lesson was nothing compared to now.

But Jaebeom had seen this before.
It was a familiar sight that he hoped he never had to see again.

As the pair were about to leave the room Jaebeom got up and grabbed Youngjae's wrist. The room seemed to pause, the only think breaking it was the slow and quiet plea from the elder.

"Don't.. Don't go."

Youngjae was taken aback, but his angry demenour soon softened at seeing Jaebeom again. Especially a Jaebeom who was now looking much more vulnerable than Youngjae had ever seen him look before.

"Hyung.."

"It's ok Youngjae.. You don't need to do anything. Let's just ignore it now."

Reluctantly Youngjae looked back at Jinyoung, who had been watching from the side with his own confused look.

"Will you guys be ok?" Jinyoung asked with a concerned toned.

Jaebeom nodded on behalf of both of them. On that note Jinyoung let the two have some time and left the room, a small sigh painted on his lips as he did so.

The remaining pair avoided eye contact whilst still connected at the wrist. Youngjae looked down, seeing the strong grip the elder had on him and seeing how his muscles were tensed up in the process.

"Jaebeommie?" Youngjae asked more comfortably, confused about the situation they were left in.

Without words Jaebeom pulled Youngjae in by the wrist and held him in a tight hug. He encompassed the younger in his arms, one hand cradling the back of his head and the other placed firmly on his back. A small gasp escaped Youngjae's lips at the impact, but soon he realised that was happening and rested his head into the crook of the elder's neck, the familiar scent flooding his nose.

They stayed liked that in silence for a long time, simply held in each others arms and at a loss at where to go from there.
Youngjae felt his worries begin to fade, meanwhile Jaebeom was having the opposite reaction. He could already see ahead at what was about to happen.

They're going to give Youngjae a hard time because of me.

It's my fault.

Youngjae is going to end up feeling overwhelmed again. He's going to blame himself for us being unhappy.
He's going to feel like everyone hates him and that it's all his fault.

In an instant Jaebeom's world felt like it was disappearing beneath his grasp, terrified that one thing he held onto and the one person he cared about the most was going to suffer just because of him. His thoughts began to spiral as that sickly feeling in the back of his mind amplified itself more and more.

This is why I can't make friends.
Why I can't be happy.
Because everyone hates me and everyone will always hate me.

Youngjae's too good to even know me.
This is all my fault.

.

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I'm a waste of space.