p e r s o n a l l y ☆ 2jae

f o r t y

Just Jaebeommie
This message has been deleted

Just Jaebeommie
This message has been deleted

Just Jaebeommie
This message has been deleted

Just Jaebeommie
This message has been deleted

Just Jaebeommie
This message has been deleted

Youngjae
Please talk to me Jaebeommie..

Youngjae
I miss you...

Youngjae
Talk to me soon. OK? I don't know what those messages were. I'm sorry if I made you angry with me..

Youngjae
I don't like it when you go cold like this.

Youngjae
Even if you don't want to see me again don't just ignore me after you sent all those messages like that

Youngjae
Please Jaebeom.

________

Youngjae had woken up groggily the next morning, his eyes blurred and burning at the bright illuminated screen whilst he had hastily typed a reply to messages that weren't even there anymore. He pulled his covers back over himself and wrapped in a cocoon, only his head feeling the wisps of the cold air circulating through his bedroom. His stomach swirled with anticipation and disappointment. While his eyes were heavy and his lips were pressed together as he tried to fall back to sleep, his mind was active and running, causing the boy to frown with furrowed brows. 

After a few more moments of laying in his own silence Youngjae turned his phone back on, squinting at the bright light again, and hitting call on a familiar contact. The phone rung a few times before a pick up tone came on and a voice emerged from the speaker.

"Youngjae?"

Jinyoung's voice sounded casual, much more awake than Youngjae and like he had been awake for a few hours already. The light haired boy heaved out a heavy breath.

"Youngjae? You don't sound good."

"Jinyoungie.." the younger whined, turning onto his back and staring at his ceiling as he spoke.

"It went badly.."

Instantly Jinyoung knew what the conversation was about, Youngjae could hear him shuffle from over the phone.

"What? It went bad? But I thought Jaebeom liked–"

Ignoring the connotations of Jinyoung's last sentence, Youngjae continued to whine helplessly down the phone.

"I didn't even ask.. I chickened out last minute and I gave up. Jackson was right."

"What about the song? You told me before you were going to show him it."

"I.. I threw it away.." Youngjae sighed loudly, remembering the pitiful events of the day before.

"It's no use. Jaebeom probably never wants to speak to me again. How is is he supposed to love me.. Why would I give him a song like that if he'd only throw it away himself.."

"I'm sorry Youngjae."

"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for myself. This isn't fair. It's so sad Jinyoung. I feel so sad.
He sent me all these messages at like midnight but deleted them all. When I went yesterday I saw his mum and lied to her saying I visited him to give him a stupid textbook. She probably asked Jaebeom about it and he got upset that I even went to his house and lied like that."

"Don't think like that Youngjae." Jinyoung said sternly, although not to any effect.

"He probably wanted to tell me how much he doesn't want to ever see me again but deleted them before I saw so I wouldn't get hurt because Jaebeom's a good person like that."

"He wouldn't do that."

"I think he would."

A pause.

"I'm sad Jinyoung."

Jinyoung inhaled through his nose, trying to think of a way to comfort the other in a situation which definitely felt like couldn't be recovered from, although he realised soon enough that Youngjae wasn't looking for any words, but just needed someone to listen.

"I'm here Youngjae," he responded, to which the smallest smile crept onto the younger's face, quickly vanishing as another wave of discomfort and disappointment rolled over him. 

"Thank you for listening. I probably sound like a mess. My head hurts."

"I'll always be here for you Youngjae."

"Thank you hyung..

I'm going to go now.

I love you Jinyoung."

"I love you too, make sure to rest today. Look after yourself and eat."

"I will."

They ended the call without saying goodbye, but that wasn't abnormal for Youngjae to do when he was sad. Surely he should have felt happy that Jaebeom had even sent him something, but only the worst of thoughts were swirling through his mind. 

He peeked up again from over his covers, his eyes peering at the tall vase placed on his window sill.

The rose was dying. 
A few petals had fallen off either onto the space beside the vase, dried up and stuck together, or were worn and droopy on the actual flower. 

What a twisted representation of how Youngjae saw this relationship going. He didn't want it to die-- the rose or the relationship. He pulled himself out from under the warmth he had buried himself in and carefully took the rose from the vase, collecting the fallen petals around it.

Youngjae had seen a video about flower pressing, it looked nice, but he wasn't sure exactly how well it would work with a rose like this-- but what harm was there in trying?

Laying out a few sheets of newspaper onto his desk, Youngjae arranged the petals carefully before covering his work with another few sheets of paper. He pushed the arrangement to the side and grabbed some of his heavy textbooks, including the very same textbook that Jinyoung had leant him to help tutor Jaebeom-- Youngjae thought that he should have returned it already but here he was, piling them on top to weigh the flower down. He wasn't sure what he would do with the pressed flower, but he would rather have that than sit and let the flower die, disintegrate within his grasp. 

Youngjae didn't do much that day. He wondered around his house with a permanent sulk written onto his face. He thought about the elder; wondering how badly Jaebeom must have hated him, wondering how happy Jaebeom was without him. 

Little did he know the elder was also sulking, guilt flowing through his veins at every motion. Jaebeom also spend his day hyper-focused on Youngjae; hoping that Youngjae didn't hate him, hoping that Youngjae could really be happier without him.