p e r s o n a l l y ☆ 2jae

t w e n t y - f o u r

"But I just ate-"

"That doesn't count as dinner. I'm making us both ramen."

Youngjae was standing in the doorway of Jaebeom's house, by contrast to his own, this place felt empty and stranded of light. To his left were two doors and in front was a sofa with a small dining table behind it. He walked in, fully closing the door behind him, and placed his shoes to the side. Jaebeom was on the opposite end of the room where the kitchen was, already busy preparing their meals.

"The bathroom is here by the way," Jaebeom said, pointing to a room next to the kitchen which Youngjae hadn't noticed before.

The light haired boy felt a little awkward at actually being there. He began to take the jacket he was wearing off when Jaebeom turned and stopped him.

"Keep it on, the heating isn't very good in the living room."

The latter nodded in response and took a seat at the dining table. It wasn't long before a delicious scent encompassed the room, Jaebeom brought over a bowl and placed it before the younger, quickly laying the chopsticks down and going back to get his own meal. The ramen was a heavenly mix with egg and spam and spring onions scattered on top-- the smell alone was enough to make Youngjae drool.

Jaebeom took a seat opposite and began to eat without holding back. His stomach had been growling for the longest time and it was only now where finally he could quench his hunger. Soon Jaebeom slowed down once he noticed that his guest wasn't enjoying the meal as much as he was.

"Youngjae?"

"Hmm.."

A pause.

"Are you okay?"

Youngjae looked down at his food, his chopstick swirling the ramen half-heartedly. It hurt him to see Youngjae like this. The air still felt uneasy.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I do.."

Jaebeom looked up in surprise, Youngjae was still staring down at his bowl but the air had changed around him slightly. 

"I do," the poor boy continued, "I just.. I don't want to sound.. pathetic.."

The elder pondered his response and didn't blame him. It was scary for him to confront his own feelings and he couldn't imagine what it would feel like being asked to explain these feelings out loud. 

"Fine. Then you can listen first.." Jaebeom said abruptly, knowing that the latter was hiding something and trying his best to make him feel the furthest from 'pathetic'.

Youngjae looked up from his sad state; Jaebeom avoided his gaze.

"I'm doing this for my sake. Not yours," he added-- which was only partially true.

He let a big sigh escape his lips, this being the first time he even tried to say his own issues out loud.

"I used to look at you and envy you. I thought about why it was so hard for me to make friends, why I was always so alone. I wanted things to be as easy as you."

This confession shocked Youngjae, he never thought about Jaebeom feeling this way. For the longest time it was automatic for everyone to assume he was cold and heartless and didn't care about anyone or anything. Youngjae never played into that ideal-- but this revelation was still nothing of what he excepted.

"It wasn't anything personal Youngjae.. I felt stupid and like I wasn't going to get anywhere to be successful or do anything. You had so many friends and you always got top grades and you always seemed happy and I wanted that too. You made it look so easy.. It made me really hate myself that I couldn't be like that."