Entanglements II : A BeyNika Story (Part 2)

4 page letter

Beyonce-

It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Onika unloaded a lifetime of hurt on me and I couldn't take it. I had came to peace with who I used to be but apparently she hadn't. She was right. I did love another in front of her while ignoring her needs. I sighed and looked at Onika was crying her eyes out and I just cupped  her face and brought it close to mine .

"Onika look at me, I need you to look at me and listen okay?"

"What?"

"I love you, I'm sorry that I've gravely mishandled your heart. There are a million things I want to tell you right now but I can't because I need you to calm down. I didn't think you'd get this emotional and I'm really worried that this is going to put you into labor."

"She's right Nicki, you need to calm down." Doja said rubbing my belly.

I didn't even realize Papbear and his sister were kicking me so hard that my belly was moving and I had started to have contractions. Bey pulled me down to the couch on my side and Doja kept rubbing.

"I love you Onika, I'm very sorry but I'm glad you told me so now I can make it better but please calm down." Bey whispered in my ear. "You are the most important person to me and I don't want you going into early labor right now. You have to calm down."

Bey kissed my forehead, and I closed my eyes and started to calm down. I was still having contractions, but they were lessening and irregular. Doja singing and rubbing my belly seemed to put the twins to sleep. Soon my body was calm, and the pain stopped. I was wiped and didn't want to move.

"To finish this day and end on good note that doesn't involve a home birth, I want you and Bey to write a letter to each other about what you mean to each other and maybe a little bit about how you feel at this time."

"Okay." We both said in quiet unison.

Onika carefully sat up and I got a legal pad and pens for us. I left her in the room with Doja and went up to check on Ally who was napping before stepping into the twins room and sitting down to write. I was overcome with emotion and was crying as I wrote but my wife was hurting and even though I took steps to change myself for her I never let her express her feelings about the past. I'm not one to dwell so I didn't think of it as a big deal and now seeing that it was I felt even more like shit. A sane person would break this off and just co parent but I needed Onika and loved her with all my heart. I sat pouring out my feelings as the tears poured out of me. I cried like a bitch but I was a dog ass bitch so I went with it. Soon I had my letter done and I went down to the sitting room. Onika was drinking some water and Doja was fluffing up a pillow behind Onika's back.

"You look better Baby girl, you had me worried." I say quietly hugging her.

"I'm okay. Sorry I got so angry."

"No, don't apologize. If you felt angry, you felt angry."

I sat and put my folded letter on the table next to Onika's. Doja took them and read them before putting them back on the table.

"Take each other's letter and read it and we'll talk about it when you finish."

I took my letter from Onika and stepped out to read it in the kitchen taking the opportunity to have a quick glass of red wine.

Onika's Letter:

Beyonce, I love you. I'm sorry that I keep things from you. It's not you it's me. I've always had to be guarded about who I let in and with all that we've been through it's hard to have that trust with you. But I am willing to try. I don't mean to blame you for all that's happened. I do take responsibility for not stopping things when they got too far. With that being said, I love you. I love the way you smile. I love that you love our daughter so much. I love seeing you with her. I love how much you've changed for us. I love that you are very hands on with this pregnancy. I love that you try to protect me from harm and will literally take us states away to protect us. I love that you spoil us with things and your time. I love that when I can't sleep that you rub my back and hum until I fall asleep. I love that you take time to text me through the day. I love that you rearrange your whole schedule to make sure I'm good at home. I love that you are good to me even in the mist of our struggles. You always made sure my bills were paid and that we didn't go without even in my own Mom's household. I know that you brought her the new car because 'Caiah totaled the other. I love that you are 'trying'. I love when you get wine drunk and randomly sing in Italian. I love that when I'm sick you stay in bed with me just to keep me warm.

I love you Bey and I know we'll make it through this. I just want to keep pressing forward leaving the bullshit behind us and focusing on us and the children. I want us to have a happy family life and to be old ladies playing with our grandkids looking back at this time as a highlight and not a hell strife. If you are willing to work with me I'm willing to do the same. Marriage is work and I want to clock in with you. -----XOXO - Onika 

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Onika--

I closed my eyes not wanting to cry anymore as Doja flicked her lighter. Opening her eyes I saw her beginning to burn sage.

"What's that for?"

"You're energies need a cleaning. I still feel that 'work' that Megan put on you two. This will probably do it but you need to have a cleansing bath before I go. I carry the things needed for that all the time."

"I bet you do. I can't wait to have these babies. I love them but my body hurts."

"I know, PapaBear for sure needs his space but Baby girl is snug as a bug." Doja said waving the sage around me and the spot were Bey sat before walking out of the door presumably to sage Bey off as well. I picked up Bey's letter and took a deep breath and opened it.

-Beyonce's Letter:

Onika,

I love you so much. I'm sad that I wasted so many years being indifferent towards and denying my feelings toward you and downplaying our relationship. You didn't deserve that, you didn't deserve to be hurt by me when all you ever did was love me. You took care of me like you were always my wife. I never wanted for anything because you were there. I could look to you for support, direction, reasoning, and love. You never judged me by my 'special friend' and you never made me feel less of woman because of it. You took care of me when I was sick. You stayed all night waiting for my fevers to break. You helped me take care of myself after my broke my arm and couldn't do much. You always made sure I ate breakfast in some capacity because you knew that I performed better when I wasn't hungry. I always wanted a family with you and getting that with Ally and now the twins my only desire is to keep you four happy. I want to give you all the things you deserve and more. I hope to earn your trust again and to be more mindful of your feelings. I love you Onika. XOXO- B. 

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Soon Bey came back in and sat next to me and we hugged. It felt like a big relief to just be in the moment with her. Bey and I didn't say much and kind of sat with each other. Doja left the room for awhile before coming back to get us. We went up to the master bathroom to see Doja made us a big cleansing bath. We both stripped and got in as Doja left to watch Ally while we had some much needed time alone. Bey and I didn't say much still and she just rested against the tub and held me and the twins. It was so nice. Bey told me she scheduled maternity pictures for us in a few days. I was so happy, I didn't really take official maternity pictures when I was pregnant with Ally. Our bath together was reconnection at it's finest until the twins wanted to act up. I swear any time I was in the tub, shower, or swimming the twins put that pressure on me. Bey was able to keep me relaxed and luckily the twins calmed down before we got out. Bey was sweet and helped me dry off before we got dressed. I was beyond tired and Bey helped me into bed and held me until I fell asleep.

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Excuse all errors!

Thoughts/Comments??

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