All American Senior Year: Volume One

Liv The Truth: The Fear of Relapsing

"Welcome back to Liv the Truth. I'm your host Olivia Baker. Life can be hard sometimes and I get it, I really do. I've been there way too many times to count. But I created this podcast, to tell the truth. The truth that a lot of people are afraid to talk about. Like we are made out of glass and any little crack will shatter us. We are not fragile human beings. Often times we just need a friend to talk to. Someone who is going to listen, and talk to you, not at you. Today we are going to be discussing the truth about relapsing. Because my honest truth is that we are all human and how we cope with life is different for everyone. Our struggles are battle scars that heal differently. It doesn't mean we have to keep going down that same path. But I get it, I really do. Life is hard, and most times it's messed up. It can feel that it is not on our side, and the world is crashing down around us. No matter how far you run, you're always going to have the fear of relapsing. Whether it'd be from drugs, alcohol, a relationship, or a bad habit. You don't think they all coincide but they do. Your mental health matters. Taking care of yourself matters just as much as you take care of others. But if my story helps you, then hey maybe creating this podcast wasn't all for nothing. Maybe even posting this episode will help me in the end. Because sometimes you don't always listen to the advice you give to others. It's funny how we can be truthful to our friends and family about the problems they are going through, but when it comes to ourselves, it's hard to come to terms with our own truth. Living with any addiction is hard enough without the pressures of society, and trying to do the best for not only ourselves but for the people around us. For the people we love. Not ever knowing that all that pressure builds up, like seventh-grade science fair volcano ready to erupt. The problem is that not all of us, open up about our problems, or have someone to talk to. Making the one thing we try so hard to stay away from, become the easiest thing to reach for on our darkest days" taking a deep breath she squeezed her hand tightly. Letting it open as her 1-year sobriety chip laid in the middle. Closing her hand, she gripped it tightly.

"I guess for me I've always had a fear of relapsing. If you don't know I was...an alcohol and drug addict. It was a difficult time in my life, I felt alone, and did some questionable things. But if you ever take anything from this podcast, just take that just because you are in those darkest moments, doesn't mean you will stay there. I know we hear that so often, it becomes to feel as though it's a broken record replaying in our heads. It does get better, but it doesn't mean that it's not going to be easy. Because it's not. I would be lying if I told you that I was cured. Even after rehab, I found that I was still struggling. But my sponsor would always say "look for the brightest star to guide you through the night". If you ask me who would that star be for me, I'm still trying to figure it out" she said stopping for a moment, glancing over to a picture of Spencer and her that hung from the wall. 

"The fear of relapsing shouldn't stop you from living your life. It should be the motivation that should push us forward when we feel like falling. But if you ever need a friend to talk to, or just to listen, I'm here. Even if you feel like your alone, your not. There is always someone there to lean on. And if you don't have someone to lean on, then my messages are always open. A judgment-free zone. A space to air out your feelings. Bottling them up, never helps, trust me. So if you need a friend to listen and not judge you, then I'm always here. And who knows maybe at the end of our conversation you would be the one helping me. Until next time, this is Olivia baker's Liv the Truth".