All American Senior Year: Volume One

Leaving Things Unsaid (Part Five)

The late evening breeze calmed him while he took slow deep breaths in and out. He needed a break from being inside the room and seeing Jordan laying unconscious in the hospital bed. Something Spencer couldn't have ever imagined. Jordan had been strong, and full of energy while talking about the most random things. But walking into his room, Jordan had been the opposite, while the reality of the situation settled in, weighing heavy on his family, his wife, and on Spencer.

This had been more serious than they had ever imagined. In the back of Spencer's mind, he would have thought to walk into the room to see Jordan joking with the nurses while watching football on the television. But as they walked in, and the room had been quiet except for the machines beeping, a lump was caught in Spencer's throat knowing his head injury had been serious. Jordan may never be able to play football again, which had been the least of his problems.

The doctors didn't know the extent of his injuries until he was awake. Leaving everyone the fear of the unknown. Not ever knowing if he would wake up to be the same silly guy he had always been. Watching Jordan lay in the hospital bed brought Spencer back to when he was shot. Spencer had been in that same position Jordan had been in. Just like Spencer's, Jordan's whole life was about to change. Thinking back to the same conversation he had with his doctors discussing his options. That the one thing Spencer worked hard on, his one ticket to make a name for himself, and give his family a better life, was about to be gone. Football was all they have ever known, and Spencer knew Jordan wasn't going to take the news easily. The doctor had been right and deep down Billy knew that there was a big chance Jordan wouldn't be able to play football ever again.

Spencer felt an overwhelming pressure being inside the room, while his mind kept flashing back to when he had been shot. He knew the challenges Jordan would face when he would wake up to see his loved ones around him, and his doctor discussing his future. Spencer deeply sighed, softly opening his eyes standing outside of the fountain. The sounds of the water drowned out the thoughts in his head. The fountain gave him the peace that he needed to know that Jordan was going to be okay.

The same feeling he felt staring out the window of his hospital room. Spencer glanced back up when a hint of a smile appeared on his lips. It gave him the hope and love he needed to carry him through some of the darkest moments of his life. Seeing his friends, teammates, neighbors, and community unite together. It showed him, that his community hadn't been broken. And at the end of the day, it was the love in the people he saw, the smiles cheering him on, that kept him from giving up.

Spencer looked up to the clear night sky when he heard soft footsteps walk up behind him. Her sweet perfume lingered in the air when she stood beside him. With her arms crossed she looked up to the night sky, breathing in the fresh air, while letting the sounds of the fountain, center her thoughts. "How are you doing? You walked out of the room pretty quickly. Wanted to check on you to make sure your okay," Olivia softly spoke. "Yeah...I'm good. Kind of needed a break you know? It was overwhelming seeing Jordan laying in the hospital bed. My mind kept racing to when I was in his same position not long ago. How about you? Are you good?" Spencer asked. Olivia shrugged.

"In therapy today, they asked me what was the moment I realized I relapsed. Before tonight I couldn't pinpoint it. I realized the night you got shot, was the night I relapsed. Figuratively speaking I mean. I was broken weeks after the shooting. I couldn't sleep while the night you got shot would replay in my head, like a nightmare, but every time in my dreams, I lost you, and it broke me. I guess I didn't realize, until last week how much losing you, meant to me. You were right about everything you said the last time we spoke. I was wrong for trying to drag you into my mess. I was wrong for letting you take the fall for me. I didn't realize how much my addiction had a hold on me, how much it clouded my judgment and the choices I made. But after going to therapy this week and finding a sponsor, I know that you were right. The truth hurts...especially coming from the one boy that I loved so much. I was in denial never wanting to hear the truth. I finally got everything I wanted but I kept pushing away the one thing I couldn't run away from. Never knowing that just because I was happy, and in love, my problems didn't automatically disappear. I needed to face the truth, even if it meant losing the one thing I loved. I couldn't realize it before...that I never had my addiction under control. More so, my addiction had control over me, my relationships, and the people I loved the most. I'm sorry Spencer for putting you in that position. But I'm working on it," Olivia said.

"You didn't lose me, Liv. You still got me. The most important part is that your working on it. You're getting the help you need and you're going to therapy. You got a new sponsor, and you're getting healthy," Spencer said when Olivia sighed. "It's a long road ahead Spencer and it's not going to be easy...I," Olivia trailed off. "I know Liv. But you're the strongest girl I know, and whatever you put your mind to, you can achieve. I believe that. You're going to get through this," Spencer said. The both of them stayed quiet for a brief moment when Spencer cleared his throat before continuing.

"But it's in those moments we gotta hold on to those that shine their light on us. We gotta hold on to those that give us life and love to the fullest. Because it's the love that bonds us as a people. It's what helps us come back stronger and better than ever," Spencer softly spoke when Olivia repeated the last words with him.

"Liv, Jordan is going to be okay. I know it may not seem like it right now, but he will. He's going to bounce back stronger and better than ever. It's a long road ahead of him. But he's got us, he's got his friends, he's got his wife, he's got his community all rooting for him," Spencer said. Olivia lowered her head looking down to the floor. "And what about us...are we going to be okay?". Meeting his eyes, his gaze softened. The both of them stayed silent for another moment before Spencer cleared his throat.

"My love for you hasn't gone away, Liv. It's still as vibrant as the day I said I loved you. I just thought that with time apart we'd be able to focus on ourselves and heal. Putting our relationship on a pause for us to get healthy. But after everything that happened tonight with Jordan, and being back in this hospital, it kind of changed my perspective. If tonight made me realize anything, it showed me that life is too short, to not hold the people you love close. To not be there for them when they need you the most. We can't push the people we love away, because we'll just end up losing them. I know we got a long road ahead of us. I know we are both still healing, and this may not be the perfect timing, but I just wanted you to know that I'm not going anywhere. No matter how long it takes," Spencer said. Taking a hold of her hands, he gently squeezed her three times. Olivia looked down giving a long sigh before meeting his gaze.

"I know and I want you to know, that I'm going to do the same for you. While I'm getting healthy, I want you to get healthy too Spencer. Maybe we can meet in the middle some days and go on a date. More than anything Spencer...I miss us. And I know I owe you more than just these words. But I'm going to show you that with my actions by completing my outpatient program and choosing to be sober. One day soon I will give us that do over we deserve. But this time around I'm going to ask you out," Olivia smiled.

"I'd like that, Liv. Once we get right, there ain't no stopping us. I'll be waiting for you to ask me out," Spencer smiled. "I don't doubt it. I know it may take some time but soon, just don't be surprised if I show up at your door ready to take you on a surprise. Or if I call you out of the blue," Olivia said. "I'll be waiting," Spencer smiled when her phone started to ring. Olivia grabbed it out of her pocket when she gasped. "It's my mom, Jordan must be awake," Olivia said while the both of them rushed back inside the hospital.