All American Senior Year: Volume One

The Bitter Truth (Part Two)

Present:

A knock was heard in the distance when he deeply sighed unlocking his front door. The sweet smell of her perfume, lingered in the air when Spencer's eyes watered. Holding back his tears, he now stood just a few feet away from Olivia. "Hey...can we talk?". Spencer and Olivia made eye contact for a brief moment when he nodded letting her inside. Closing the door behind her, Spencer and Olivia stood in silence. She crossed her arms, clearing her throat. Avoiding his gaze, looking at the floor below.

"I've been calling you..." Spencer trailed off. "I know...I needed time alone to think about stuff," Olivia said. "About us?" Spencer asked. Olivia avoided his gaze. "About everything. It's been a rough forty-eight hours, to say the least. It's a lot to take in. I was going to call, but I needed to get this off my chest, and I couldn't do it over the phone. I needed to come and see you," Olivia said. Spencer watched her when she finally met his gaze. Her eyes felt heavy, filled with worry and sadness. While they weighed down on him, leaving his heart heavy. As if he'd been carrying weights strapped to his ankles and chest. For the past few days, they'd been living in the aftermath of their actions and they'd both been feeling it.

"We had a deal, Liv. I was going to take the fall for the accident and you were going to tell your parents at dinner. But you didn't. You asked me to put my life on the line with the Cops. And you didn't hold up your end of the bargain," Spencer said. "I wasn't thinking straight. I was scared, Spencer,". "Why didn't you tell me you relapsed? Why wait until we crashed? Were you ever going to tell me?" Spencer asked. Olivia nodded. "I was. I had it all planned out in my head. I was going to tell you that I was ready to tell our parents about us, but I was also building up the courage to tell you. Telling the person you love in this entire world that you fell back into something you've tried so hard to stop is hard...Spencer. How am I suppose to tell you that I relapsed over the summer? That I was scared and alone. I had nobody, Spencer. Not Asher, not my brother, not my parents, not..." Olivia trailed off when their gaze met.

"Not me," Spencer finished her sentence. They both stayed silent for a moment before Olivia continued. "Not you,". The tears started to stream down her face when she shook her head. "I love you more than you know, and you made me the happiest girl in the world these past few weeks, Spencer. I thought if I would confess my feelings for you the cravings would settle. But I hadn't realized that with every emotion, my cravings only heightened. I never wanted you to see me like this. I never wanted to be a burden..." Olivia trailed off when Spencer cut her mid-sentence. "Liv, your not a burden. I just wanted you to be honest with me,".

"I know and I wish I did. But I can't change the past, Spencer. I can't change all the mistakes I've made. How I wish I could. But I can't. I can only live with them and learn from them. I'm sorry Spencer for putting you in that position. Once we switched seats I regretted it. But I was scared and what hurts the most is that I didn't think of you at that moment. I didn't think of the cop having bad intentions. When he started to get hostile on you...I thought I was going to lose you...again. That's when I realized that I needed help, Spencer. I know I was mad at you for telling my parents but I'm glad you did. Because I couldn't. I couldn't tell my parents that they wasted $75,000 for nothing. When I came out of rehab I was broken until you came along. I was sad and lonely until you came along. I had nobody...until you came along," Olivia trailed off, taking slow deep breaths.

"But I have to start being honest with myself Spencer. And in order to do that, I need to right my wrongs. Starting with you. I'm sorry and I know I owe you a million more apologies. I don't know how but I'm going to make it up to you. But I'm sorry for ever putting your life on the line. I'm accepting that I need help. I can't do this alone anymore, and I'm going to go get the help I need. I love you Spencer but right now I need time to heal and reflect. My biggest fear is losing you...and because of my own actions, I almost did...I can't Spencer. I can't handle losing you..." Olivia trailed off when Spencer shook his head as the tears started to fall.

Spencer looked down to the floor not noticing the weight Olivia had been carrying. Spencer felt sad, upset, and guilty. His eyes searched hers and knew he was losing her again. He knew she wanted to run, leaving him alone once again. The tears welled up in his eyes when he couldn't hold them in. His tears fell one by one staining his jacket as he shook his head. he could feel her slowly drifting away from him, and it broke his heart. Shattering to a thousand bits falling to the pit of his stomach. A lump was caught in his throat, clearing it, he spoke with softness.

"Don't...finish that sentence Liv. I won't let you,". He walked over to her gripping onto her arms tightly. She couldn't meet his gaze shaking her head. "You were there for me every day after I got shot. You were the one helping me through everything when my pops passed. You were there for me since the day we met. You were always looking out for me and always got my back no matter what. Liv, your my girl, and I'm not letting you go. I'm not letting you walk out that door and leave me...not again. You're going to need people beside you. You're going to need someone to talk to when the cravings get bad. You're going to need someone to distract you. To go on a hike, watch a movie, or sit in the car listening to music. You're going to need someone there to support you, Liv. I know, I know I wasn't there since before rehab. But I'm here now. And I'd be damned if I'd let you do it alone. I'm not going to let you. I won't. I can't," Spencer said when Olivia kept shaking her head. With tears in her eyes, she met his gaze.

"Spencer...I can't do this...I don't want to hurt you. You need to focus on yourself. You're going to do big things in this world and you...can't be worried about me while doing that. I love you and I know you love me, but I won't let you throw your dream away to look after me. I need help, Spencer. I need a new sponsor, therapy, or maybe go back to rehab to help me get through this," Olivia said.

"And when you're getting the help you need I'll be right beside you. I told you I wanted to go through the highs and lows and I meant it, Liv. I meant everything I said in the voicemail back in Vegas, at the cliff point, back at the gazebo, on our nightly drives. I need you to know that you always got me. I told you that, and I will tell you every day if I have to. I need you to understand that you can't keep hiding this from me. I want to know. You're not a burden, you never were. I know I need to start thinking of myself, but how could I when the girl I love is hurting? I can't let you go through this alone, and not be by your side. You were there for me through everything, and I want to do the same. I know we may not be ready to be together right now, and I'm fine with that. But I was your friend before anything else, Liv. I want to be there for you...let me be there for you," Spencer trailed off when Olivia sighed.

Gazing into his eyes she shook her head slightly. "Spencer..." Olivia fell to a whisper. "You can't help me. You can't be the one to save me. I love you, but I don't want you to. You don't have to. You have so much on your plate, this is the last thing you need. I could've hurt you, Spencer. You could've ended up in jail or worse. I am mad at myself for putting you in danger. I can't lose the one person I love and care about the most in this world...and I almost did just that. What if next time we are not so lucky? I can't...Spencer. I won't. I need you here with me, and I can't keep doing this. Running from my problems hoping with time everyone forgets about it, and we move on. This time it isn't so simple. This time, I'm accepting that I have a problem. Spencer, you can't be the one to save me. Because this time around I need to be the one to save myself. I want to work this out but I'm scared, Spencer. I'm scared...of losing you," Olivia fell to a whisper when Spencer pulled her in for a hug.

"I'm scared to Liv. But we got this. We will get through this. You just gotta trust me that there will be no more secrets between us. Even if it hurts, we gotta tell the truth. I know in the end we will come out stronger. We just gotta get through this storm. But together I know we are able to handle whatever comes our way," Spencer said holding onto her tightly.

"Just promise me, you won't give up on us. I ain't letting you go. I want you to focus on recovering and get the help you need. However long it takes I'll be by your side. Guiding you through the darkest of nights, through the earliest of mornings. I'll be right here," Spencer spoke softer this time when Olivia let out a shaky breath. The both of them stayed silent for a moment wrapped tightly around each other's embrace. "I promise," Olivia whispered.