past mistakes

More Fights

We stayed on the beach for lunch, and ate crackers and fruit with everyone else. We actually stayed on the beach for the entire day. There were some other people who also stayed at the beach houses today but not very many. Even Kylie went back to her house in the suburbs.

It is starting to get dark and I am exhausted. Being on the beach all day gets so hot and sweaty. Jack, Kendall, and I go back to to my house once it gets super dark.

They went to their house to shower first, but then they headed back over. It felt good to be clean again, even though it still feels like there is sand everywhere.

"You know what would be great right now? Some hot cocoa." Kendall says.

"I would have gotten some if you had asked this morning." Jack says defensively.

"Ugh, I'll go get some right now. Jack where'd you put my keys?" Kendall says.

"On the counter," he says while pointing.

She grabs them and heads out the door.

Jack and I sat in silence for a little while. It kinda felt awkward, which is weird because we never have like 'awkward silence'.

"I'm so tired," I say to break the silence.

"Yeah, me too." He says, quickly ending that conversation.

Then I try to make eye contact with him but he looks away out the dark windows.

"Harris, did something happen because you seem to be scared of me? Did I beat you up or something?" I ask trying to ease the tension while getting answers.

"Um," he nervously laughs, "yeah something happened. I don't know if we should talk about it right now. Kendall is going to be back any minute now."

"Does it have to do with Kendall?" I ask quickly with worry.

He shakes his head, "No, but you probably don't want her hearing it yet."

I sigh, "Crap, what did I do?"

He sighs also, "Can we just be normal when Kendall comes and then after we go to sleep, can you like meet me on me and Kendall's deck?"

I nod. Then I sit in worry until Kendall comes home. What did I do?

Kendall comes home and Jack acts normal. She makes us hot chocolate. Then we drink it and chat about small things. I contribute a little bit to the conversation but not too much because I don't know how embarrassed I should be in front of Jack. I get the feeling I should be very embarrassed.

We get through the night well and we call it quits at 10:50. They walk back to their place and I wrap a blanket around myself and lay on the couch until I think it's time to go over.

Jack actually texts me at 11:12 saying that he is out there. I walk over with my blanket because it is really cold outside.

I walk up the steps to the deck but the door latch is locked. Jack says, "Crap, my parents have the key."

I say, "Don't worry about it, I'll climb over," as I hand him my blanket and climb over the wooden gate.

He helps me down and hands me my blanket. Then I sigh as we sit down, "My anxiety is going crazy, what is it?"

Jack sighs, "I still don't know if I should tell you, but last night, you were like really drunk and we went back to your room, you know, and you ...," he pauses, then takes another breath, "You tried to kiss me."

Shoot! Okay... play it off cool.
I sigh, "That's it? Okay, well, I was drunk and was probably trying to kiss any guy I saw. Wait, did we actually kiss?"

Jack shakes his head, "No, of course not. I didn't let you, but you seemed pretty upset when it happened."

I scoff, "Well, I was probably wondering why you stopped it, but this is not that big of a deal."

"What do you mean 'why I stopped it', why would I kiss you? And it seemed like a big deal to you at the time, but I guess you were so drunk you don't even remember how you felt." he says, pretty angry.

My mouth widens, "Wow, okay. Whatever, this was not a big deal."

Jack scoffs, "Right, I forgot, you haven't changed. You still kiss every guy at a party, right?"

"Seriously Jack? I'm surprised you didn't kiss me just to check that one off your list." I yell back just as angry.

Then I get up and climb over the gate and run down the steps.

Jack yells, "You forgot your blanket!"

So I yell back, "Keep it!" as I speed walk over to my house.

Wow, that got really heated. I don't suppose I can still ask him to stay with me until I fall asleep, can I? Yeah, probably not.

I crawl into bed and leave the light on. Every time I close my eyes I think someone is sneaking up on me.