past mistakes

Ponderance

I can't move. I can barely breathe because the sobs just won't stop. Every chance I get, I look at the windows with my watery vision, to make sure that he isn't anywhere near my house. The awful part is that he will have to be, in order to get to his own house. But I can't have him hear me crying right now. I won't let him.

Crap! I just realized that I left my phone in that one room with the girls. I look at the microwave for the time, 12:43. That's the time that my heart was crushed. Maybe going to boarding school would be better because then I wouldn't have to see him.

I wipe my tears as best I can with some tissues, but it's hard because they keep coming. I stare at myself in the mirror for long enough though, where I can get them to stop. My face is still red and puffy, and my eyelashes are sticky, but other than that, I look normal. Is my phone really worth risking seeing him again? Honestly no. But this would be the one time that my mom calls or texts, or that Prescott gets in trouble for whatever reason.

I put a big t-shirt over my bikini top and skirt, so only the bottom of the skirt is visible. I don't bother putting on shoes. I have no idea what I'll do if I see him.

I fiddle with my fingers for a while before I finally decide to open the front door. I make sure to turn all of the lights off first, then I close it. I squint in the darkness, trying to see through the glass in his house to make sure he is not in there. Nope, he definitely isn't. I could really use Kendall right now.

I stay close to the houses as I walk to Mark's house. It makes me less visible to people who are staring at the coastline.

I sigh one last time before walking into the lit area of the beach, which is Mark's house. The light is kind of coming from everywhere. All of his house lights are on and teenagers are everywhere with their phones. I'm now realizing that I look more out of place in a t-shirt because everyone else there is in a bikini still. Great.

I scan the place, looking for his stupid face. He's not here so I make a run for it into the house. I take the staircase that is in the kitchen because nobody is ever on it. Everyone else just takes the main ones. I clench and unclench my fist before walking into the room that the girls are still sitting in.

"Are you okay MC? Did you talk to him?" the less drunk one asks. I'm sure I know her name but I can't bother to remember it right now.

"No, I'm not okay. And no, I'm not going to listen to him talk about it. I clearly saw him kiss her." I say, clenching my jaw. I scan the room for my phone. While I'm scanning, I see people recording me.

"What?" I scream, almost losing it.

The same girl answers, "Someone recorded you getting mad at Jack... so now, everyone knows."

I can't even get mad right now because I need to find my phone. There it is! On the floor in the corner. I run over, grab it and see an endless amount of notifications. One of the girls who has her phone pointing straight at me, clearly recording me, says, "Jack's on my live. He wants to know where we are. Can I tell him?"

I turn the camera, clenching my jaw so tight, it feels like it might break, "No, you can tell Jack to screw himself."

Then I turn around and walk out of the room. Yeah, that explains why when I walk down the stairs, everyone is staring at me, either with their phones right in front of them or held out, pointed out me. I stomp through them and walk out of the door. As I am walking out, Mark walks next to me, "I'm so sorry MC. Do you want me to walk you home?"

I sigh, "No, I'm fine." Then I speed walk faster, hoping to lose him. He takes the hint and stops walking.

I walk back to my house, but on the way, Kendall texts me twenty times, asking where I am. I shouldn't be mad at her, I know that. But randomly, I am because she is the twin of the boy who shattered my heart and embarrassed me in front of everyone. Literally everyone. Anyone who wasn't here physically, was definitely watching on the lives.

When I get to my house, I finally respond to Kendall, "I need to be alone right now." Then I leave it at that, despite her million texts after I said that. Even Prescott has been texting me, asking if I was okay. Crap!

I don't shower, I don't wash my face, I don't change. I just sit in bed and lie down, facing the ceiling. My phone buzzes every single second, but I don't look at it once. I'm done. It can't get worse for me.

Even with the light off, I can't fall asleep. I hate that being in an empty house still scares me even after all that has happened tonight.

Since I can't fall asleep, I do some thinking. Did that kiss happen before or after I risked my life to get his stupid phone? Was the phone thing relevant to the kiss? Was she sorry after that because of the kiss and not because of the phone thing? Did he whisper sorry to me as he was leaving because of the kiss? I cried in his arms, with him well aware that he has just kissed another girl! That's what hurts the most.

I still am left wondering, why? Why was I not good enough for him?