past mistakes

LXI

I went to my room in my grandparent's Hampton house and just cried. I couldn't do anything else. I didn't just mess with my life, I messed with my parents' lives and Marks too, I guess.

I cry for a while, maybe thirty minutes to an hour. I hear a knock on my door though. I wipe my eyes but realize there's no point. "Yeah?" I sniffle.

The door opens. It's Jack. I put my head down again and pull my legs closer to my chest.

Jack walks over and comes on my bed. He wraps his arms around me and mumbles, "I'm sorry Wendorf."

Another tear flows down my face. I sniffle too. I'm just gonna let this happen. I need someone to just be here for me.

I am not sure how long I mope, but I finally put my head up, which catches Jack's attention. He looks at me, waiting for me to say something. I sigh, "Should we just go home?"

I don't think Jack knows what to say. "We're going to have to take a plane home. Maybe we should wait for everyone to cool off."

I nod. I forgot about that. I reposition myself because my back is killing me. I lay down on Jack's chest. He hesitates before putting his arm on my back.

I guess I fell asleep because my eyes were so puffy from the crying.

I have a dream actually. It was a really wild dream, but I can only remember the ending now. Kendall and I made it to some cave for some reason. I have no idea what that was about.

I open my eyes and slowly get up. Jack looks like he was asleep but is now waking up with me. "Are you okay?" he mumbles.

I shrug, "I guess I'm fine."

He checks his phone then says, "We should probably eat lunch."

I sigh and start to get up. Jack and I walk to the living room. Kendall's there; I'm not sure where Prescott is.

"What should we do for lunch?" I ask.

"Let's just order in," Kendall suggests. Jack and I nod.

The food comes fairly quickly. It's good too, I'm just not very hungry. I feel so awful. This is probably the worst thing that could have happened.

I check my texts and see Bryce's answer, 'I guess someone at the party knew who we were. I'm asking around to find out who leaked the photos. It's going to be okay. My family is already fixing it.'

That's not really helpful to me. But at least he doesn't seem worried.

I can't even do anything for the rest of the day, except for going into the backyard. I can't really go out in public. I sit on a bench under a tree and close my eyes. I am constantly thinking back to times in this summer that I regret so much. There's too many to even count.

It's been about a week and a half since the whole stupid publicity issue. The stories stopped posting the next day, due to the Walkersons. Bryce and I just left things where they were between us. We knew it wouldn't last. We flew back a few days after that. I've spent a lot of time thinking about my schooling situation. Every time I think I've changed, I do something stupid again. This isn't working, and I only have a few weeks left of summer. Actually it's only two and a half now. My parents need to know by the end of the week.

My friends seemed to forget about the whole issue. Or it isn't constantly on their minds anymore. Even Mark and I were able to talk about the situation. He explained to his parents that we didn't work out, and I was too spontaneous. They think it was better that he didn't stay with me in the end. I guess he and his family talked trash about me but whatever.

My reputation is ruined and I lost a lot of friends. I haven't even spoken to Leo in weeks. Neither has Kendall, so I guess they really aren't going to get back together. I kind of thought they would.

I haven't forgotten what Jack did for me after the whole situation. He seems to constantly be there for me after awful things happen to me. I genuinely have forgiven him, and would like to give him another chance, although I haven't talked to him about it.

Since I think I know which decision I am leaning towards, I can't talk about Jack until after I tell my parents my decision.

I wait until Saturday, my last decision day, to really be sure that I am going to do this. I call my mom and say, "I have a decision."

My mom says, "Great, let's hear it."

"I have decided that I am going to go back to boarding school."

I hear my mom take a breath then say, "Okay, if that's what you want. I have to call the school, but I'll call you later."

When we hang up, I feel better. I am going to miss my friends so much, although, I kind of ruined a lot of my friendships anyway.

For the next two weeks, I really enjoy every moment that I have with my friends. I only told them during our last week of summer. Each conversation was different. I actually only had a conversation with three people, Prescott, Kendall, and Jack. That's who I am close with right now. I saved Jack for last and by now, it's Thursday and we have school on Monday.

"Hey Jack, can we talk?" I ask while I walk into his room. He did move back in after the Hamptons issue.

He nods and gets off his phone. I take a deep breath, "This year for school, I'm going back to boarding school."

Jack furrows his brows, "What? I thought your parents let you make that decision, why would they force you to go back?"

"I actually made that decision. Think back to this whole summer. I have been out of control. We all know that this is what I need."

He sighs and stares at the ground.

"I did want to talk about us though. We ended pretty badly, but I know we actually loved each other. After this whole Hampton thing, I realized that I think I still love you. I'm not mad at you at all about the stupid bet thing or the thing before that." I meant the cheating, but I didn't want to use that word.

Jack stares at me, "Why are you telling me this?"

"I know we won't see each other for a while, but I just want you to know that before I leave. You can still date other people this year, don't worry. I just needed you to know."

Jack stands up and walks over slowly. I have no idea what he could be thinking. Out of nowhere, he kisses me. Then he says, "I'll wait for you."

I leave for the school on Sunday. Jack and I hugged before I left. That's it. That is the craziest summer I have ever experienced. In the end, I may have changed, but not enough. I did choose to help myself though.

Mary Cate out.