past mistakes

Unexpected Firsts

               I didn't sleep a wink last night. I never felt safe enough to sleep. I officially 'woke up' when I got annoyed with my phone buzzing. They were all from Prescott,
'Where are you?'
'?'
'?'
'Where the hell are you?'
'MC?'
'Are you trying to get caught?'
'Are you doing this on purpose?'
'You're probably passed out at some random guy's house right now'
'whatever, you can get caught if you want to'

Then they stop. Wow, he is really mad. I guess I never checked any of his messages yesterday either.

I scroll up and see a bunch of messages. I text back, 'Prescott, I am so sorry I didn't respond. We are still at the beach house, but we will be home today.'
He might not even read it but worth a shot.

Then I got some water and sat on my couch. I don't really want to go to Kendall and Jack's because then I have to see Jack. So, I texted Kendall, 'Hey, can you come to my place when you wake up?'

She came over like twenty minutes later, without Jack thankfully.

"Sorry, Jack wouldn't come over for some reason. You know boys." She shrugs.

I nod. Then she continues, "We're leaving today, right?"

I nod again, "Yeah, apparently Prescott has been texting me and I didn't respond, so he is really mad at me."

She nods, "I relate, Jack's mad at me and I don't know why."

"He might not be mad at you, maybe just ... the world." I say trying not to be too obvious.

She nods, then makes another smoothie bowl for each of us. She makes one for Jack too, in case he comes over.

We hear a knock on the door while we are eating and I smile at her while she goes to open it.

Jack comes around the corner soon enough and grabs his bowl and sits on the island stool. He doesn't look at me once, so I try my best not to look at him. 

Kendall tries to make conversation but Jack and I are both not feeling it. By the end of Kendall's conversation starter list, she says, "Okay, I guess we are awkwardly sitting here in silence." Which we did until we all finished our food.

Then I say, "Can we leave in like an hour?"

Kendall asks, "Because of Prescott?" which I nod to, then she says, "Yeah, of course."

Jack walks out with Kendall to go pack and get ready to leave. I pack everything and make it all look nice, then I realize I left that blanket at their place. I sigh loudly and walk over.

Jack answers the door and goes to get it. Two words were said between us, I said, "Blanket?" and then I said, "Thanks," when he got it. This is the biggest fight we have ever gotten into and it is so dumb. It's all over that dumb kiss when I was drunk. And it didn't even happen!

Then I left and folded it and put it in coffee table, hopefully it wasn't too dirty because I don't have time to wash it. I then grab the sheets that were in the washing machine and put them nicely on the bed. Everything looks good, so I take my bag and trash bags of the food boxes and walk out.

I go to the dumpster and get rid of the trash bag, then I walk over to Kendall's car where they are and we drive away.

Going home was quick and slow at the same time. I hated how I could feel him staring at me in the passenger seat because he was in the back seat, and that made it feel slow, but the ride itself felt pretty short.

I didn't see any unusual cars parked out front yet, so that's good. We walk inside with our stuff and see that the house is empty. Prescott isn't home, but neither is my mom. I sigh out loud and go to the laundry room to put my dirty clothes in the machine. I did me and Kendall's together.

While that was going, I walked upstairs to put all of the clothes I didn't use away. And to throw the sand out of my window. Yes, out of my window.

When I finished, I went downstairs to check on the laundry. It was done, so I took the clothes out of the washer and put them in the dryer, then I started it.

I passed Jack on my way upstairs. We didn't say anything, until I heard him sigh and grab my wrist.

"What?" I say as I wince from him grabbing my wrist.

Then he drags me upstairs where he just came from and into my own room.

"What the hell do you want, Jack?" I shout a little.

He covers my mouth with his hand, "Shh, do you want Kendall to hear?"

I push his hands away from me, "Hear what? I don't care about the stupid kiss thing, I'm mad that you don't think I've changed."

Jack sighs, "I told you I thought you did before and I wasn't lying. You have changed but you also are sorta changing back. Being back here seems like it isn't good for you."

"Really? You think I should go back? You have no idea what it was like," I say, starting to break down.

Jack looks me in the eyes. I walk to my bed and sit down, rubbing my eyes.

Then I look up to him and I clear my throat, "Every time we did something wrong, they - this sounds stupid- but they made us do these stupid chores. It wasn't really the chores that were the problem but it was the way they looked at us. It was dehumanizing."

Jack stares at me for a few seconds, I think unsure of what to do or say.

I continue, more for myself than him, "And they it just felt like jail somehow. I couldn't do anything and everything was constantly monitored." my voice broke. I feel stupid.

Jack came over and sat down next to me and took my hand.

I continued through tears, "I missed everyone too. Way more than I expected."

He hugged me tightly when I really started to cry. We just sat there like that for a while. I hate how vulnerable I feel right now, I've always hated crying in front of people. And I really hate how much I shared with him.

We didn't move for a solid five minutes. I don't want to move because then I have to see his face, which I really don't want to do.

Finally, he pulled out of the hug and said, "You're not going back there."

I wiped my eyes but didn't say anything. He couldn't promise that.

Then I tried to forget about boarding school, or maybe make him forget about it, "So, why didn't you kiss me?"

Jack laughs, "Because I didn't want you to not even remember our first kiss."

I say shocked, "Wait, what-," but he interrupts me with a kiss.

I kiss him back with my hands on his face. Then when we break away, he is smiling, as I say, "I knew you wanted to kiss me."

Jack laughs and says, "I wasn't going to take advantage of some drunk girl."

I scoff and then kiss him again.

Wow, so that happened. I don't think before this year, I had ever thought about doing that.