The Unwanted Encounter (Ash Lynx x Reader)

26) Ironic isn't it?

Ash's pov
I finally arrived at my hideout and parked that damned red Sedan. Alex shortly came out and I ordered him to drop Shorter at his place as I left the key in the ignition. Normally, I would've taken care of Shorter myself, but I was pretty banged up by the torture I had to go trough by Arthur, and I didn't want to bother y/n with taking care of Shorter for now. Even though she didn't say a word or do a thing, her dark aura was evident enough. Y/n herself was pretty torn up and her bloodshot eyes gave it away that she didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything. The drive from that damned mansion and to my hideout went in silence. In neither uncomfortable or comfortable, it was that type of silence where you tried figuring out what type it was, the silence where you try figuring out what you want to do with yourself.

For the 3/4 months that I've known y/n, she was always extremely composed and collected. She never freaked out about stuff and was pretty stoic, not caring about what anyone in the world does. At first when I met her, she didn't want to radiate any attention toward her, which I always found really interesting about her. That day when I forgot my glasses in the library, she sprinted and returned it back to me. At first I was suspicious of her, just like I was towards every other stranger I met. You can never be too safe, especially when you're the most feared gang leader of New York, but after talking with her and making little conversations with her at the library about books, all suspicions that I held, cleared and I wanted to get to know her more.

Even though I knew it was not a good decision to, I still wanted to. Why? I didn't know either, but I always looked forward to meeting her, to talk with her and to get to know her better. She was a pretty closeted person toward me and toward everyone she encountered, always stoic and monotone. But the slight smiles she sometimes gave me were always contagious. After 2/3 months of talking with each other at the library about how our day went and about books, we were at the stage we could call each other friends. Friends huh? Weird. The guilt I still hold about being selfish and wanting to be her friend still eats me till today. If only I had stayed away from her, she wouldn't have to deal with the shit she has to deal now.

Y/n's pov
During the drive, none of us said a word to each other. I was too tired to. The only thing I could see in front of me was my mother's last state. The peaceful expression on her face as her long hair trailed downwards to her waist, even though she got stabbed really gruesomely in her stomach.

Anger ran trough me at first when I found out she was alive, but I had hope. Hope of being happy. Happiness huh? I shouldn't have had. The first thing I learned about being independent was to never have hope. Hope drives you towards motivation which leads you to your goal, but once that goal is far out of reach, or simply, it's unreachable, the hope you had gets shattered. Thus, there's nothing more painful than having no hope. A hopeless life equals to a meaningless one, one I'd been leading since my family got taken away from me, since every normal thing got taken away from me. Damn it, why?

I fantasised too much about her and I, about being able to talk about our day, about books, about life. But it all got taken away from me in the blink of a second. Ironic isn't it? Then, what's the point of being alive? But, I have to hold on for her last wish, and for the promise I made to Ash, my dearest friend.

I have two choices right now. I can either walk away from him and live the life I longed for, or I can fuck it all and fulfil my promise for him. A promise which will haunt me for the rest of my life, but I intend on never breaking it.

I finally arrived at Ash's hideout as Ash instructed Alex on taking care of Shorter and dropping him at Nadia's place. I knew Alex was one of the most trusted by Ash and that he was the second-in-command in Ash's gang, so I left the car without saying a word and dragged my legs in to Ash's hideout. As i walked in the familiar hideout, I was met by Kong, Bones and Eiji. As usual, Eiji smiled towards me, it was always the first thing he did when he saw me, but that smile quickly turned in to a worried expression. I just stared at him blankly and headed to the bathroom, locking myself up and sliding myself down as I used the wall as support for my aching back.