The Unwanted Encounter (Ash Lynx x Reader)

29) An attempt.

TW: Suicidal thoughts and suicide.

After few hours that I spent with Shorter, Sing, and Nadia, I made my way to my hideout to grab some of my clothes and took a shower since I hadn't taken one for a while. I turned the shower on and twisted the handle to the medium shower temperature, followed by me quickly stepping in. I stayed still, letting the water hug me as I kept turning the water temperature more and more warmer to the point it would start burning my skin in a few minutes.

The last time I remember being so laid back is before being brought to Golzine's mansion, before Yut Lung betrayed me. The guilt of trusting him too much and way too quickly still hangs in the back of my mind. I could've prevented everything from going down if I just didn't trust him, but I don't have any reassurances to prove that I actually could've prevented from getting kidnapped and that I could've stopped the events that would play out. It was exactly times like these I wished I had a time machine to go back in time and redo everything over again, but unfortunately it doesn't exist. Fate huh? Funny thing. It's almost funny how everyone is enslaved to it one way or another, and the people who don't realise they're enslaved to it, are the luckiest.

The thought of living normal again always makes its way back to my mind, altough, I could lead one right now, if I wanted to. But do I? I'm just a few steps away from walking away from Ash, from Eiji, from everyone, but I can't make myself do it. Because I don't have the will for it anymore. Everything is so meaningless, so.. pointless. The world would be much better without people like me, wouldn't it? It's so stupid and useless, everything.

Ash hates me. Eiji hates me. Max and Ibe hate me. Doctor Meredith hates me. Everyone.. Everyone would be better without me.

"I can end it. End it all.. Just a few.. A few minutes more." I murmured in raspy breaths as the water was on max temperature, falling on my skin, burning it as the bathroom started becoming damp and smokey. I hadn't even realised I was sitting down under the shower as the burning water made contact with my skin, slightly hurting me and burning me. It feels good. I rested my head on my knees and enjoyed the burning sensation as I stared down at the bathroom tiles.

My phone.. I hear it ringing. Ash.. Is it Ash? No, why would it be him?

It stopped ringing, good.

No, stop. It's ringing again. I should see who's calling me.

"I should pick up." I said as I tapped out of my thoughts, staring at my slightly burnt arms and legs. I reached my hand upwards to turn the water off and hazily made my way over to my phone which rested on the sink. I wobbily made my way to the sink as I opened the bathroom window to clear the fog up. I picked my phone up and turned the brightness up to the max since I couldn't make out what my phone said.

3 missed calls - unknown number

4 missed calls - Ash

2 missed calls - Shorter

1 missed call - Alex

"Aslan.." I muttered as I went trough my call logs and noticed the missed calls and unopened messages. I didn't even hear my phone ring until the last call. I should check the unopened messages.

Alex
18.30: Y/n, when are you coming back?

18.40: Y/n? Where are you right now? I'm coming to pick you up.

18.45: Are you ok? Y/n answer damn it. Boss is starting to get impatient.

18.49: I just called Shorter and he told me that you left his place over an hour ago. Where tf are you?