The Unwanted Encounter (Ash Lynx x Reader)

43) A Breakdown

"On god, where have I gone wrong in life?" I asked myself, glancing at my phone screen.

5 messages from Cièlle, today at 03:00 am.

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Cièlle <3
03:00 am:  Grill, i just almots got arrested by popo's.
03:02 am:   Did you know, if you get drunk you're durnk 😵
03:03 am:   What if i said i murdered somoene
03:04 am:   Nah i'm jk no worrys 😉
03:04 am:   Popo's suck 😒

Me
Go to sleep.

Cièlle <3
03:07 am:   Dang, did i wake you? my b.

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I sighed, sitting against the headboard. I'm thirsty, Might as well get some water since I'm awake now. I got up and illuminated the area with the flashlight of my phone since I couldn't see anything around me. I tip toed towards the kitchen counter where a jar of water laid, and chugged it all in one go. I was about to head back to my room until I heard someone panting from the living room.

I walked in, freezing in my tracks the moment I saw Ash crying and breathing heavily in his sleep. I ran towards the switch, turning all the lights on and grabbed a glass of water—putting it on the coffee table in front of the couch Ash was sleeping in.

I sat next to Ash, and lightly shrugged his shoulders, bringing him out of sleep's daze. He shot up from where he was sleeping, trembling. His eyes were bloodshot, sweaty forehead and hair completely dishevelled. The moment he made eye contact with me, a glee of despair and fright was visible in his jade green eyes—but it disappeared as quickly as it came.

"It's okay." I said, bringing Ash's head to my chest—gently stroking trough his blonde hair. "It's going to be okay." I said, repeating small affirmations to him, here and there, whilst slowly letting reality sink in his mind. I wasn't going to ask him what his dream was about since I knew Ash wasn't good with words and he didn't like oversharing too much, so I decided to just stay with him till he'd calm down.

Around 10 minutes had passed of me stroking Ash's hair as he laid on my lap, staring at the tv in front of him as I stared at his blonde hair. I thought he'd fallen asleep at that point, but to my surprise, he started talking.

"I tried to forget—former male prostitute, gang leader, murderer, and I still get shaken up." Ash said, breaking the silence between us.

"Don't- don't say that about yourself.."

"I was eight when I first killed a man. I was raped, I was terrified. So scared, I couldn't find my voice. My heart was screaming for help, but I couldn't let out a single cry. When I shot him, I cried. I cried because I felt nothing. I'm scared of myself. I killed Skip, and so many others.. I don't know how much blood is on my hands. I don't feel anything, nothing."

"Ash, it's okay. Calm down, you do feel it. You're hurt, really hurt, I can tell. You saved Eiji and me, countless times—if you feel responsible, the same goes for me." I whispered. Ash shot his head up towards me, looking at me, astounded. His eyes widened, and he looked at me with eyes of an eight year old kid, a scared one.

"My words might not mean anything now, but just remember one thing. Even if the world turns on you, I'll always be on your side, I'll stay by your side. That is, if you don't mind." I smiled, cupping both of my hands on his cheeks—wiping his tears away with my thumb.