» Time Is Dancing « | » Carl Grimes «

» WRATH PT.2 «

Today's Lesson: Emotional Pain Is Still Pain

The ride back to the Hilltop was slow and quiet, like no one quite knew what to say. We had won, but I was starting to realise what that truly meant.

When the gates swung open and I was met with the emptiness of the community, I sensed a strange stillness in the air. It was calm and peaceful, perfect.

So, this was the new world. A world where I didn't need to keep my finger curled around the trigger of my gun, a time where I could sit outside doing nothing all day with zero consequences.

My feet stopped on the dirt path, a wave of dizziness moving through my entire body. Black spots clouded my vision and I tried to blink them away, but they only got more blurred as my eyes welled with tears.

A life of joy and content without him. The future I was supposed to live now without him. This was something I never prepared for. Every time I pictured my life, my future, he was always right at the front of it.

My weak legs finally collapsed, my fingers digging into the dirt and tiny stones cutting my knees. They sliced the fabric of my jeans, small pinpricks of blood soaking into the rips. But nothing could compare to the overwhelming, crushing sensation that sparked in my entire body.

There was no anger anymore, no fire in my bones to distract me from the way I was supposed to be feeling. All there would ever be was grief and hurt, like all other emotions had gone extinct. It could mutate and multiply and evolve but it would always come down to that one feeling.

Loneliness.

Because for the first time since my life really started, I was alone. Since the first time we met, I didn't have Carl by my side to make me feel better.

I pulled away from the embrace around me but the hold was firm, Maggie's comforting whispers in my ear as sobs tore from my chest. Her hand was against my hair in an effort to calm me down, my screams becoming echoes of agony after what felt like forever. I wasn't sure if I had ever cried like this.

All she could do was wait until my body stopped convulsing, diminishing into trembles as the tears wetting my face became sticky and dry. She understood me in a way neither of us would ever wish for.

My voice was hoarse, barely a whimper as I sniffled uncontrollably. "I just want him back."

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My fingers were numb the moment they touched the crumpled letter, a strange fuzziness spreading from the tips right into my mind. The simple 'Belle' on the front soon turned into so much more as I flipped it open, barely noticing a small gleaming object clatter to the ground. I shuffled up against the wall, my knees brought to my chest as my eyes scanned the page fervently.

'Belle,

I hope you're okay. I know it's a lot to ask, but you don't need to feel sad.

It's true what they say about dying, your life really does flash before your eyes. I saw a lot of you in there.

I saw the first time I realised I loved you, way back at the camp in Atlanta. When you were crying in the field and I felt like I would to anything to make you happy again. I gave you the little purple flower, what was it, heather? The one you buried with Sophia.

I saw the first time you kissed me, and the first time I kissed you back. I could almost feel it, too, your warmth and love and all the reasons I care about you.

But I didn't just see our past, I saw our future, too. Somewhere else, on another planet in another universe, it still exists.

We're happy and we're together. My dad and Michonne are there, and Judith's all grown up. Daryl is actually smiling and Maggie is so proud of who you are now.