» Time Is Dancing « | » Carl Grimes «

» WHAT HAPPENED AND WHAT'S GOING ON «

It's Like There's Cotton Wool In My Brain, Soaking Up All The Tears

Weeks passed. Two, three maybe. I didn't like to keep count. The more days I counted, the more time Beth had been dead.

We had been on the road since the day at the hospital. I thought surviving was hard before, but it was harder now with the weight of loss over the group. I couldn't help but feel guilty. I hadn't spoken to Maggie or Daryl or even Glenn since it happened. But how could I make them feel better if I felt like this myself?

Our new member was Noah. He knew Beth at the hospital where she had been taken. She helped him escape, she was going to go with him. They were going to his hometown. Richmond, Virginia.

That's where Rick was headed now, taking a small group with him. I stayed behind, sitting alone on the road, away from the rest of the group. I shrugged my bag off my shoulders, checking for water. I emptied the contents into the road, shuffling through my small amount of belongings. A blanket, an empty water bottle, Sophia's doll, a pencil and a book. I picked up the collection of pages, flipping through it.

This was meant to be Beth's. She was supposed to see me and smile and run into my arms. We were supposed to cry happy tears and catch each other up on everything she missed. I would tell her to 'wait one second' and then I would show her what I found. She would grin at me with shining white teeth and thank me, and we would read it together on the road.

I flicked back to the first page, before the story started to the contents. One line was scrawled in a fancy font in the middle of the page.

"For my family. I love you."

I picked up the pencil from the pile and started writing, the lead scratching making my skin crawl.

'Beth,
I wanted to give this book to you when we were back together. I guess you're with your dad now, and your mom.
I remember a time when that was all you wanted. But you fought through it, you were strong when everyone expected you to be weak.
This wasn't supposed to happen to you. You were the last person who deserved it.
Maggie will be okay. I'll be okay, eventually.
Maybe I'll see you soon.'

I shut the book with a slam, putting my things back in my bag. I rubbed my face, trying to get rid of the itchy feeling in my eyes. I sighed harshly, standing up and going to sit with Carol. She had been keeping in contact with Rick through the walkie, updating us along their journey.

She smiled at me when I sat down and I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Every now and then I would speak to someone and they would give me that smile. The one that said 'you can talk to me, I'm here for you, you're allowed to cry.' I wanted to. I tried to cry. One night I sat by the fire and stared into it until the smoke burned, but no tears fell. I was just as confused as everyone else. The feeling was there, just not the action.

"Rick called in...it's gone."

"I'm not surprised. We don't really have the best luck." I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. I glanced around the camp curiously, taking in the bored people on the road.

"Where's Daryl?" I asked Carol. I didn't see him leave. At this point, I think we were avoiding each other.

"He went to find water." Carol replied. She seemed to notice my bland expression, like I didn't really care. "He loved her, you know."

"Yeah, we all loved her."

Daryl and Beth weren't alone for long after the prison fell, but I knew he felt a certain responsibility towards her since Hershel died. I guess I didn't help the situation when I blamed him for losing her. I guess her actual death didn't help either.

"What's that?" I had been looking everywhere except Carol's sympathetic expression, my eyes eventually falling on her bag. I could see a splash of red peeking out, like cotton or wool. It looked too small to be clothes.

Carol's expression turned sad, almost mournful at the mention of the item. I noticed her eyes sparkled with tears and her lips were pressed together. She tried to wipe it off, smiling instead. "Ask me another time."

"Is it bad?" She nodded her head. "Carol, I don't think I can feel any worse than I already do, you can tell me." Her worried look was making me nervous. What was it in her bag?

She unclipped the buckles, pulling it open and presenting a doll. It was different to the one I had already, with red hair instead of brown. She gazed down at it sadly, avoiding eye contact.

"Mika found it, when she and Lizzie got out the prison." I widened my eyes. Lizzie and Mika got out? I had been thinking about them nonstop since it happened and she knew all this time?

She fixed the dolls dress slowly. "We found a cottage. It was beautiful. There were flowers in the garden and pecans everywhere." She sniffled, rubbing her nose.

"You know that Lizzie was...confused. She didn't understand the walkers, she wanted to play with them. And Mika was just- she didn't have a mean bone in her body. Lizzie was the one feeding the walkers at the prison."

My heart sank, remembering the discarded rat carcasses along the fence. That was her?

"Lizzie killed Mika." Carol whispered in a hesitant voice. "She was going to kill Judith. She wanted them to come back. She wanted us to understand."

It felt like my heart had stopped altogether. I knew Lizzie was strange, but I never thought would be dangerous. Not to her own sister. She loved Mika. But I guess that's why she did it.

"She wanted to kill Judith, Belle. She couldn't around other people. She wasn't going to get better, she wasn't going to change. I had to-" She wept, her hand at her mouth to stop the trembling. I knew what she had to do. She loved those girls, we both did, but she had to do what was right.

"Mika found this. She was so excited to see you again. She wanted you to have it." She held the doll towards me and I took it in shaking hands. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of Lizzie murdering her little sister. She was a kid, they both were.

I couldn't get any words out, I just nodded and slumped back against the log, feeling exhausted and broken. It was like this world was trying to kill me.

I guess I could feel worse.

»« »« »« »«

Rick called in. Tyreese was bit. They cut his arm off to save him, but it was too much and he bled out. Sasha tried to keep her usual stoic expression but I could see it cracking, see the tear tracks she tried so hard to wipe away.

We buried him on the side of the road. We didn't even have a community, a home, a graveyard to let him rest. I knelt down beside it once the funeral was over, staring at the cross that held his familiar hat.

"If I knew what happened, I would've said it sooner. But thank you for taking care of them when I couldn't."

»« »« »« »«

RIP Tyreese and Lizzie and Mika

I didn't like Tyreese so much I feel like they couldn't really do a lot with him since Daryl basically took his role from the comic books BUT as mad as Lizzie was I thought she was really interesting and Mika was really cute and their deaths were some of the hardest hitting moments in the show

RIP Carol as well she's not dead she just can't save her children for the life of her