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» SQUEEZE PT.2 «

PTSD: Memories You Can't Shake Off

My hands wound routinely around Kelly's ankle, the white bandages stark against the red ones protecting my hands. I really should've changed them by now, the material that was once soft now stiff with dried blood. But there was something stopping me, like a tick burrowing into my mind.

Keeping them was some kind of self-torture, a constant reminder of the recent events I was involved in. Dante killing Siddiq, me killing Dante. Is this what revenge felt like? Because it was starting to hurt. Or maybe the hurt was just the agonising grief that came in overwhelming waves.

The silence didn't help my whirring brain, the slow dripping of water resembling bullets as they splashed to the stone floor. Each one seemed to speak to me, whispering antagonising words so close to my ear.

'Murderer.'

'You deserve it.'

'Damn, how many boyfriends can a single person lose? Get it, single?'

A tap on my arm broke me from the taunting thoughts, Connie looking back at me with gentle eyes. She slowly took my hands, making me realise they were shaking around the knotted bandage at Kelly's ankle.

'You thinking about him?' She asked with a sympathetic smile, her head tilting in understanding.

I nodded quickly, running a stressed hand over my eyes to stop them from stinging. "It's worse when it's quiet, I guess. Nothing to distract me, keep my mind busy. I can't really help it." I mumbled, my shoulders shrugging weakly.

Kelly patted my back comfortingly once she finished translating, her lips pressed together. "We're all gonna miss him." She agreed in a hushed voice.

I breathed out a trembling sigh, my fingers lacing together before loosening, the action making my nerves evident. "I loved him, you know? It took me too long to figure it out, but I did. I never got to tell him." My words ended in a pained whimper, tears already welling in my eyes.

'He knew. He loved you, too.' Connie assured me, squeezing my hands tightly before signing again. 'So do we.' She looked at Kelly who agreed enthusiastically, her arms wrapping around my shoulder in a hug. I tried to return it but my arms felt so weak, so drained of energy. I just didn't know what to do now, not without Siddiq. The only thing I did know was that I wouldn't stop until Alpha was dead. This wouldn't be over until she paid for everything she did to us. For everything I lost because of her.

A sudden scream interrupted the emotional moment, my legs moving on instinct as I leapt from the ground. In a moment my sword was out, the point forward as the whole group followed the piercing noise.

A person blocked my path as they jumped from somewhere above, the surprise causing me to freeze for a split second before I realised I didn't recognise them. My blade found its way through the eye of their skin mask, the knife clattering from their closed fist as they slumped to the floor.

"Let's go." Daryl called out, prompting us to follow as he sped down a narrow pathway. If there were Whisperers in here waiting for us, we couldn't stick around.

I kept my eyes trained on the bouncing beam of light, my feet shuffling in the dust, completely invisible in the dark. At least we knew there was a definite way out now.

Our footsteps slowed as we came upon an even smaller gap in the wall, only just able to fit us all in. Daryl went first, checking the area was clear with his lamp and knife in his grasp.

I wiped my clammy hands on my trousers, mentally preparing myself for the journey ahead. It was extremely tight, and we never knew what would be waiting at the other end.