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Broken Fingers, Broken Ribs, Broken Promises

I could barely hold back my frustrated sighs while I stomped through the woods, my careless footfalls crushing twigs and leaves as I made no effort in silencing my steps. I was pissed off to say the least, but I wasn't even sure why anymore.

"Hey, wait up!" Aaron followed the path of destruction, chopped up branches and ripped bushes marking the direction I raced home. Maybe I was doing it to make a point, to spite my father on purpose. It was my way of saying everything about him was bullshit, the things he taught me and the lessons I learnt from him.

'It's all bullshit.'

"Hey." His voice came again, but this time it was softer and nearer, his hand on my shoulder to slow me down.

"What?" I snapped, finally turning to face him. He hesitated at the sight of my angered features, the fire contorting them into a permanent scowl. His hands raised in something that looked like surrender, a genuine gleam in his eye.

"You doing okay?" He wondered, lowering his arms slowly. It was similar to the way you might approach a wild dog, trying to show that you knew exactly who was in charge. "You haven't said a word for at least an hour."

My head tilted in disbelief, my arms folded defensively across my chest. "What am I supposed to say, huh? You want me to talk? Fine!"

And I did, except it was a lot more like shouting than talking. It all came tumbling out and I couldn't do a thing to stop it, each word blurting after the other in an uncontrollable confession.

I watched the way his expression changed from fear to confusion, then back to fear and finally worry, something I had seen hundreds of times in the past week. Of course, it all boiled down to one thing in the end- Siddiq.

It probably would've been easier to blame my rage on Alpha, or Daryl, or the accident in the mineshaft. Maybe even Negan, or the stress of working in Alexandria- the infirmary had been extremely busy, not to mention the problems the council had to deal with. Of course, with Michonne gone it was just another responsibility I forced onto myself, the events at Hilltop included. And finally there was my daughter, the light of my life, the thing I truly loved more than anything in the world.

But it didn't matter, because I didn't think I could do any of that without him. I depended on him in this dangerous shit-show of a world and now he was gone, and I was by myself again. And I was so sick of being alone.

Aaron cleared his throat, his eyes seemingly going anywhere but me as he fumbled for words. "I'm sorry about Siddiq. I know it can be hard, but if anyone can keep standing, it's you." He nodded as if to assure himself, a hand patting my shoulder in a gesture of comfort.

I bit my tongue to force down the scoff I so desperately wanted to expel. Because that's what mattered, right? Staying on my own two feet despite everything that happened. "Yeah, thanks." I eventually muttered, bitterness soaked into every syllable. I span on my heel, marching in the opposite direction as I headed towards home.

"It's true." He continued, catching up to me quickly. "Everything you're doing right now, with your daughter and the communities, I know Maggie would be proud. You're a fighter, just like her."

I didn't hold in my scoff this time, coupling it with an eye roll so hard I could feel the strain. "I'm not like Maggie. I'm still here." I replied in a dry tone, the irritation clear in my words.

Enid was dead, and I hadn't heard a single word from Maggie. Jesus was dead, and I never even received a crumpled letter of condolence. The woman I called my sister, who probably understood me better than anyone in the world, had been gone for so many years I lost count. I wasn't even sure if she was alive at this point because she never even checked in. Maybe she was busy, maybe she didn't care, but one thing I knew was that I wasn't wasting my time looking for her. I had too much to handle here, too much to take care of without her help.