Let Me In

Chapter 30 - Trouble In Paradice?

"Julian?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

About an hour ago, Julian and I got dressed and came out to one of the balconies on the second floor. We settled onto the outdoor couch. I laid my legs over him while we admired the moon in the sky, it was the middle of the night so the house was calm and peaceful.

"Of course," he said, giving me a sweet and genuine smile.

I thought for a minute about how to word the question, or if I should still ask it anyway. It was obviously a touchy subject, and I wanted to do anything but make him uncomfortable.

I took a deep breath, readying myself. "What happened to your mother?"

I felt him tense underneath me like I expected he would. Then he looked away from me and up at the sky. The expression on his face was blank. I slowly started to panic. I should of just shut the fuck up. I should have just let him tell me on his own time. But I really wanted to know...

"My mother...my mother left us, about two years ago." Julian started, still keeping his eyes ahead of him. He was wearing his glasses now, so he looked like the scared nerdy boy that I met all those weeks ago.

Julian's already changed so much.

A little piece of my heart broke listening to that. Just the mention of her name seemed painful, so I knew it affected him deeply, and it still was. I know I don't have a good relationship with my own mother but I'm lucky to have her around.

I sat up straight and scooted over to him until our thighs were touching. He didn't move, still staring into the dark sky. "It's ok, you don't have to tell me-"

"I'll tell you." he finally turned to me. I could see the sadness behind his eyes but he still attempted to reassure me with a smile. "My mother was one of those women who shouldn't have had kids, ever."

He faced forward again, taking a deep breath to prepare himself. "My father was older than her when they met. He was 32 while she was 20..." he paused for a second, trying to remember the story. "He fell madly in love while she was only there for the money, but he didn't know that."

"Then what happened?" I questioned, urging him to continue.

"My father wanted kids, and she was scared that he would stop supplying for her if she didn't have them. First, she had Maria, then me, then Rosie. We basically grew up alone, except for a nanny. My father was working and my mother went out every day, to avoid having to take care of us."

I stared at the side of his face, absorbing all of the information. I wanted to reach out, touch him, comfort him, but I didn't want to distract him. Julian seemed focused, so I let him be.

"When dad lost his job, everything went downhill from there. My parents would argue all the time, often in front of us. It made Rosie cry, so I had to keep her away from them whenever it happened. One day, I walked into my living room and my mother was fucking another man." he moved his gaze to his lap. I noticed the red staining his cheeks. Was he embarrassed? He didn't have to be embarrassed in front of me...

"I screamed at her, saying how she was a terrible mother and that she was using my father for his money. She denied it all and told me that she never wanted a son, that she never wanted any of us." Julian sucked in a sharp breath, as he tried to hold it together. He was doing so quite well, I was proud of him.

"After she finished telling me how much of a disappointment I was, she walked out the front door and never came back." our eyes met, and his face was blank, I almost couldn't believe what he just told me.