(Trigger Warning)
Next thing I know I'm
On the second floor.
Staring out that window.
A wave of nausea hits me.
I'm sad,
But too sad to cry.
So I just
Keep staring
At the moving lights.
It's nighttime again.
"Gerard, what's wrong?"
I hear my Frank ask me.
He asks me a lot of things.
But I'd probably ask myself what was wrong too.
My body is still, like it's stuck in a photograph.
I'm not happy anymore.
I want my sugar.
I keep my eyes focused on that window, whisper,
"I want to die."
Frank knew
He fucking knew
What I was thinking of
And what I wanted to do
I feel him pull me away from that window, "Don't jump."
"But I want to."
I feel him pin me to the floor,
"Do you have any idea how much I love you?!? How devastated I'd be if you did fucking die?!?! Gerard, don't ever jump. Tell me when you fucking feel like this."
And I stared
Not at him, but into blankness.
Some imaginary blankness
That I created.
Then I feel a tear explode at the touch of my cheek.
"What did you take to make you do this?!?"
I can't tell him.
He can't take away my sugar.
"TELL ME!" He wails.
I gulp.
"Frankie, I just wanted to feel the happy that it gets me."
"Gerard, no you didn't. You just wanted to get high."
I start crying, "Frankie, do you hate me?"
He blinks, "No I don't! Why would you think that?"
"You're scaring me."
"That's because you're scaring me!"
"I'm sorry for scaring you."
He sighs, "How about we just go to bed?"
It was smart of him to change the subject.
He knows I won't tell him.
I bolt to the room
Before
He can reach
Me.
At
Hyperspeed,
I take out my pack of sugar
And stuff it into my pillowcase.
When Frank gets into bed
I hold him as he
Sleeps.
He won't find out about my sugar.
YOU ARE READING
Sanity (Frerard)
Fanfiction"And what I felt was more than thumping. I felt his love for me. and I think he loves me with his soul too." .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*. •Warning: Triggers • Drug Use • Soft Sexual Content • .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
