Sanity (Frerard)

That Was Quite the Session

I hated waiting.
I hated waiting while Sykes was talking to Frank.
I couldn't hear a thing,
and I knew they were talking about me.

That's what bothered me the most.

But when he stepped out,
That's when I calmed down.

Frank walked out holding a paper,
"Your appointment is in an hour, which should be enough time for us to get there."

I don't want to want to leave Sykes.
Frank was correct, however.
It did take an hour to drive there.

"What did you and Sykes talk about?" I inquired.

He knew I would want an answer.

"It really wasn't much. We just talked about your medicine, that's all."
oh.

-

But we did arrive
At our destination.
It was a quaint dark building.
Infront was a sign that read:

DR. JOSH FRANCESCHI.
PSYCHIATRIC TREATMENT.

Stuff like this scared me.
You know
Those movies with the crazy people?
And how psychological everything gets from there?

That scares the shit out of me.
(Teenagers do too, you can't trust them.)

But I guess
I was a crazy too.
"Gerard?"

It was Dr. Franceschi.
His eyes were dark like his hair.

"Dr. Sykes gave me a call telling me that he thought that you would benefit more with my help."

Perhaps.
I wasn't stable enough for Sykes
And now here I am
With a doctor for crazies,

(In my mind, it's the crazies that have to take the medication.)

Hiding behind Frankie.

"He emailed me his notes...

I have a feeling that I know what's wrong with you."

My stomach churned.
This wasn't going to be good.

"But I want to get to know you first."

And he gave a smile too.
A warm, welcoming one.
Remember Gerard?
Sykes knows him well?
Maybe he's good too?

I put my leg over my knee,
Still holding onto Frankie for dear life.

"What's wrong with me?
I want to know what's wrong with me.
Please."

"I can't make a diagnosis without further evaluation."

Ew.

He talks like a doctor.

I gave in,
"What do you want to know about me?"

I felt like hissing,
but I had to remember
this was supposed to help me.

"What are you taking that made you want to kill yourself that night? Have you taken it since?"

I stayed silent.
Perhaps an evasive tactic?
"Even without it, I still get moodswings. It's not just a side effect, what I'm feeling is real."

He nodded, "how did you feel when you cut yourself last night?"

"I don't know. I was numb. But It felt comforting to feel something after the cut. And then, when I actually do feel, then I'm okay. It's a cycle of going up and down. Kinda like a roller coaster. I don't understand it."

"Do you love Frank?"

Do I love Frank?
What type of question was that?!?
Of course I did!

"I do!" I burst.
I wanted to be normal.
"...but I shouldn't."

Both men looked up.

"Gerard what are you talking about?"
Frank asked me.

"I'm not good enough for you Frank. I feel bad for you that you love me. My love is terrible. You give all you can but I give nothing in return."

"Oh, Gerard, you make me happy. without you I don't know how my life would be. You made my sadness go away. In fact, because of you, that's when I stopped hurting myself. I promised myself that I wouldn't because you were able to make those feelings go away."

I look at my feet,
"Frank..."
So I mattered?
"So I'm guessing you've been okay for a long time?"

"Yep. Five years clean."

We have been dating for five years.
I remember how sad he was.
I saw that beauty in his eyes though.

He was a fallen angel

And I
Took him home.

---

Just for the record, I have never really listened to You and Me at Six before, but the only reason why I used josh was because, apparently, Fransykes is a popular pairing, and where Oli said, "I know him well", it would just be logical to make Josh the psychiatrist.

-Jenna