"Gerard, Pete was right. it's not your fault that that man kissed you."
"I have to tell him though," I told Dr. Sykes.
Sykes was the only person I felt comfortable around.
I made up a lie though, saying I needed someone to talk to, and his office was closest to me.
Because Pete's advice wasn't enough for me.
"He won't get angry if you tell him. I promise you this, and I'm not a guy that typically makes promises."
I looked down at the cellphone in my hands,
Which
I was fiddling with.
"Do you want to call him?"
I knew this was only an inference.
He was just
Putting clues together.
"Yes."
I nodded.
"Do you want me to put it on speaker phone?"
"Not unless you want to."
He gave me that smile again.
I pulled my phone out,
Called Frank.
The anticipation was killing me.
"Hi, it's Frank. Sorry if I couldn't answer you. I'll call you back when I can, bye."
And the fucking beep popped up after that.
I paused.
My heart was bursting in my chest.
It was going to implode.
"Frank, there's something we need to talk about. Please, just call me when you can. I love you."
And I hung up.
"Didn't answer?" Sykes asked.
"Nope." I shook my head.
I was feeling nauseous again.
"Gerard, it's not your fault." he reminded me, "why do you think it was your fault?"
"Because I was with him."
"But you weren't conscious!" He hissed, "why do you keep making these things worse for you?!?"
"I... I don't know." I admitted. "my mind just tells me these things that I can't get out of my head and-"
You betrayed him.
You fucking betrayed him.
I began to clench my wrist.
Do it
Fucking do it
You deserve it.
"Get it out of my head!" I cried.
I punched myself violently, pulling out strands of black hair in the process.
They literally littered the floor,
Like a hair salon.
"GERARD-"
Sykes took my wrists.
I was breathing heavy.
He looked at me dead straight in the eye.
It made me jump when my phone rang.
Oh god
It was frank.
Sykes dropped my hands to let me pick up the device.
Frank's voice was blood curdling.
"What did you want to talk about?"
Yet painfully average.
I breathed a couple times.
"I was with my friend and I passed out or something, but after that, he kissed my forehead. I didn't even know until my friend told
me, oh fuck..."
I started hyperventilating.
"Calm down, Gerard."
"No, I can't calm down. Frank I can't. You don't love me anymore. I'm a fucking terrible boyfriend because I betrayed you. You hate me Frank.
Fucking say it.
Say you hate me."
"What's up with you??? You aren't acting like yourself. But Gerard I don't hate you. You didn't know. But I'm pissed at the guy who did that to you without you knowing. You didn't betray me, okay?? Everything's completely okay."
He made a kissing noise.
"You're a beautiful person, inside and out. And I love you, remember? Gerard never forget that."
"I won't." My voice cracked.
"There's nothing to worry about."
He reassured me.
And I could hear him
Smiling
Through that fucking phone.
I looked at Sykes, who just remained static.
He looked awkward.
"...Gerard?"
"What?"
"What's wrong? Something's wrong. This isn't like you."
I shut my eyes and shook my head,
"I don't know, I'm so confused."
"It's okay."
"I love you." I told him.
"I love you too."
I hung up.
Breathed heavy.
"...Was he angry?" Sykes asked.
I shook my head.
YOU ARE READING
Sanity (Frerard)
Fanfiction"And what I felt was more than thumping. I felt his love for me. and I think he loves me with his soul too." .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*. •Warning: Triggers • Drug Use • Soft Sexual Content • .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
