I like being isolated in this darkness.
Here, I don't exist.
I can't even feel.
My mind can't rip me apart here.
I can't get to me.
Dear God,
I don't want this feeling to go away.
I want to stay here for eternity.
I think this is death.
I'm finally dead,
Even though
I know I can open my eyes.
Gerard, open them.
Open them.
Open them open them.
I'm in a hospital bed.
Frank
Frank was sitting next to me.
He never left me.
He was holding my hand
This whole time.
"Frankie."
He turned to me.
"Frankie, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay."
His voice.
His voice was so dreary.
I looked at my wrist,
Twisted it around.
"They bandaged me up...?"
"Yeah, but are you okay?"
"Yeah."
There was that beautiful silence again.
I was like Sykes.
It was my turn to kill it.
"Frankie?"
"...hm?"
"Have you ever hurt yourself?"
He went quiet.
"...Frankie answer me."
"I never really fit in with anyone when I was a kid, so I was bullied a lot for it. nobody liked me. My parents did nothing about it, and and I became isolated until the loneliness ate me alive. And out of emotional pain, I hurt myself. What you did was what I feared this whole time. Because I never wanted to see you in that much pain..."
A tear ran down his cheek,
"...And that's why I cried so bad. I'm not angry at you. I don't hate you. I understand you. Gerard, what's so wrong about me that makes you feel so bad?"
I heaved cold air. now I felt guilty, "I don't ever want you to hurt. Frankie, it's not you, its me. it's not your fault. I'm not me. Frank please understand that. There's nothing you can do to stop my mind. Please know that."
He nodded, painfully.
I sat up and caressed his arms, "I fucking love you." he whispered.
"I fucking love you too."
He gave me a soft kiss. it was sweeter than anything I could imagine.
Someday I might actually tell him about my sugar.
"...When will I be discharged?"
And I turned to the window.
I saw lights moving up and down the roads outside.
It was so pretty.
"I can go get a nurse
if you want."
"Please do."
YOU ARE READING
Sanity (Frerard)
Fanfiction"And what I felt was more than thumping. I felt his love for me. and I think he loves me with his soul too." .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*. •Warning: Triggers • Drug Use • Soft Sexual Content • .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
