I jump up from my seat.
I had just turn into an upset mess.
"Is it about the ants?!?!?" I yell, "do you think I'm stashing more sugar from you?!? Because I'm not!"
Bert was pretty upset by it, too.
He was sitting too, and I was looking down at him.
"it's not that, but it's.."
I guess somewhere
deep
inside my heart,
there was a place
where I did love Bert.
I was a fool for thinking I didn't.
It was obvious by how I treated him.
"Living here won't be good for you."
"what the hell are you talking about Bert?!? We made it through together in this! We recovered faster than one person in rehab could! I barely even feel the ants anymore!"
And I kept yelling
nonsense
at him.
"Gerard, you deserve Frank. I'm not good enough for you."
My jaw
dropped.
"Bert- Frank is gone. He's out of the picture. We broke up, We broke up!"
He touched my cheek, "living here won't fix that. I don't know what you two broke up over, and I never knew him, but I could feel how much he loved you just by the way you talked about him. I saw things in your eyes when you smiled over him, and they aren't the same when you smile at me. "
A tear ran down my cheek, "maybe that's because you're a different person, Bert!
Besides,
There's no way I can go to Frank! He hasn't texted me! He hasn't called me! I don't exist to him!"
"Gerard!" he roared.
I jumped.
My body shook.
Even the ground
shook.
A tear from me,
dropped on his cheek,
and slipped down to
his chin.
Bert smiled.
"You love Frank more than you love me, and it's okay.
I know what love is."
I stared at him.
"Oh Bert..."
Tears ran uncontrollably down my face.
I couldn't even control the smile on my face,
And even though my voice was so brittle,
I repeated myself.
"Oh, Bert..."
And I felt so heavy.
My head fell into his shoulder,
And I started to cry.
This was a very different cry, however.
Most of my crying lately has been derived from pain,
But this crying came from happiness.
He was crying on me
in the same way.
I made him okay.
He's okay.
He's fucking okay.
I healed him.
"I love you Bert," I told him, "I love you with all my heart."
I was always telling him it when I was teaching him, but this I Love You in particular felt real. It felt so so real.
"I love you too, Gerard. But you love Frank too, and I'm okay now. Please, if you really do love me, you'll do this. Fix your relationship. What you two had was something extraordinary."
I looked at him, "Bert, you don't know how fucking hard this is. Even if I could leave, I don't know if I could even go to Frank."
"Then go to Pete," he answered, "call him, and he'll pick you up, okay?"
I sat up from him, and took a deep breath, "okay, Bert. I'm okay with that."
I smiled, "you're okay, so I'm okay too."
And first, we looked into each other's eyes. I could feel Bert's breath on my lips, and slowly, our lips met.
We stayed on that position for a while, and I even noticed
that Bert didn't smell like drugs anymore.
He smelled like love.
When we parted, he whispered, "can we sleep in the same bed just one more time? I'm going to miss you."
I nodded, and even when I was cuddled up into his body, and he had his arm around me, we both cried a little bit.
"Bert?"
"What?"
"Promise you won't cry tomorrow? Because I'm gonna try and not to."
"I Promise."
---
I ALMOST CRIED WRITING THIS WTF
YOU ARE READING
Sanity (Frerard)
Fanfiction"And what I felt was more than thumping. I felt his love for me. and I think he loves me with his soul too." .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*. •Warning: Triggers • Drug Use • Soft Sexual Content • .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
