Today
Frank took me
To get help.
I was excited
Because then a therapist could
Fix me
And make me
Into someone better.
Frank was uneasy
I held his hand
Tried to comfort him.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm just anxious."
"You'll be okay."
I perked my head up when I heard the call of my name,
"Gerard Way?"
I met the therapist after that
Frank came with me.
"I'm Dr. Sykes." He introduced.
"Gerard Way."
He wore a oversized sweater
And was covered in tattoos
Like Frank
But he had more.
He didn't even look like doctor.
He had dark brown hair that stuck to his neck,
and a lip piercing on the right side of it.
Like Frank.
But Frank had another on the left side of his nose.
But he didn't remind me of Frank
At all.
Their faces were too different.
"Who's that with you?"
He asked.
He had a thick, British accent.
"My boyfriend, Frank Iero."
He smiled again,
"Ah, so you're Frank?"
My Frank nodded.
Had he been talking about me?
"What did you say about me?!?"
I demanded.
I was so angry.
What if he brought up my sugar?
"I only told Dr. Sykes about your mind, calm down."
I was tense.
I was anxious too now.
Thanks, Frank.
My foot tapped to a rhythm of some sort.
I was on the verge of a breakdown.
I didn't want to touch him.
"I thought Frank told me you were happy to get help, aren't you?"
"I am." I admitted.
"Frank told me you want to die?"
"No, I don't want to die. my mind wants me to die."
He jotted something down.
I really wanted to know what he was writing.
"Why?"
I gave a smirk, "I'm a bad person."
"Gerard, you seem like a good person."
"I'm bad. I ruined everything."
"How?"
"I ruined our lives. the white in our house doesn't shine like it used to. I'm so caught up in the darkness of my mind that I can't even appreciate them anymore. I miss them."
"Do you like the color white?"
"Mmhmm. It's my favorite color. It's pure and divine and like Heaven. It's a perfect match for us, especially Frank. He's good.
I scare Frank too.
It explains why I'm evil."
Frank gave me an odd look.
I don't know what I said either.
"Frank told me about that."
"What else did he tell you?"
I shot a look at Frank,
Who was quiet for some reason.
He was hiding something.
"Only if he's okay with it."
"I'm okay with it." Frank brought himself to say.
Dr. Sykes's aura changed into something dark.
"What did you take that night?"
"What night?"
"The night you were going to kill yourself. Was it a drink? Was it a medicine? Possibly a drug?!?"
"What?!? No!" I look at Frank, "YOU SAID WE WOULD FORGET."
Now I'm crying.
"Gerard," he tried to touch my arm.
"No, get off of me." I whine, and hit him.
Hard.
"Gerard." Dr. Sykes said sternly.
"STOP!"
"GERARD."
For a split second,
There was this sweet silence.
Sykes had to break it.
Fucking bastard.
"Frank told me because he wants you to get better."
I didn't talk.
I hoped for the silence to return.
It was already murdered.
Sykes slaughtered it.
"Frank isn't mad at you for it, aren't you?"
"I'm not." Frank confirmed.
"Then why don't you want to talk about it, Gerard?"
I just didn't want to talk.
But what's the use?
The silence was already a memory.
Fuck it.
"It wasn't me that wanted to die. it was my mind."
That's all I said.
I know I said it before.
I'll just let Sykes contemplate and decipher my words.
See.
He's doing it.
He's writing them down again.
I was gonna have a breakdown again,
"I'm worthless."
I blurt out,
Dig my face into my hands.
Frank never knew this side of me.
I tried to keep it from him.
"Gerard, how much do you have locked in your head? What are you not telling me?"
I just continued crying.
I wasn't even listening to Frankie.
"Gerard, do you want a tissue?" Sykes asked me.
I shook my head.
"Frankie, I'm sorry for hitting you."
My voice cracked,
"Do you hate me?"
"I don't hate you!" he told me.
I bet he wondered,
Where did he get that from?!?
He hugged me tight.
And I digged into his chest.
Sykes just stared.
"Gerard, do you want to visit tomorrow? You and I both know that you're not well enough to talk."
I peeked out
from Frank's arms.
I gave out a nod, "Yeah."
---
I've been listening to Hospital for Souls lately (omg I'm really getting into BMTH) and I can really relate to that song.
But yeah that song kept playing in my head as I wrote this and I thought "Why not let Oli be Gerard's therapist???"
Yep so this happened.
-Jenna.
YOU ARE READING
Sanity (Frerard)
Fanfiction"And what I felt was more than thumping. I felt his love for me. and I think he loves me with his soul too." .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*. •Warning: Triggers • Drug Use • Soft Sexual Content • .*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.
