Her Over Everything

Chapter 50

Zachary North

We need to end everything.

I'm done trying to understand you.

We're over.

Goodbye.

These four sentences are the knives that cut through my heart.

These were the words that Erin said to me. She's done with me and she's leaving because of me.

I can't blame her though because from the very beginning, I was such a difficult person to handle. I chased her without telling her my feelings, claimed her, blamed her for Livy's departure, told her that she's not important to me, and most of all, I left her after she gave me her purity.

She was nothing but patient. She cared for me, tried to understand me, and loved me. But what did I do in return?

I hurt her. Whether it was intentionally or unintentionally, it still doesn't justify the hurt I inflicted on her. If I had only listened to Neil from the very start, she won't be hurting right now. Or NO ONE will be hurting right now.

It's too late.

Regret is always at the end.

Erin's right. I had a lot of time to explain to her everything but I didn't and that's the chance I didn't take, the one I took for granted.

I took her for granted.

Maybe I thought that she will never ever get tired of me and that she will stick to me at the end. Which was true though. She did stick to me at the end but she gotten worn out with my attitude and I was the only one to blame for it.

It's too late. Everything's over now.

Those three words, I love you, was rendered moot already. Those words weren't enough once your love had already given up on you. I understand though, I really do. Who wouldn't get tired of me, right? A man who has tons of issues within himself.

Still, it hurts. It so fucking hurts to hear those words from her, that behind those words, were the emotional exhaustion I caused upon her.

I hate myself!

I hate myself!

I hate myself!

I crouched down to the floor and hugged my knees and rested my forehead on it while cursing myself mentally.

I didn't know how long I was like that until I heard a surprise gasp.

"Zac?" I heard Livy called my name. I looked up and saw her opened her door with Niccolo behind her, sporting the same surprised look as my sister.

Yes, I've been in front of Livy's apartment for God knows how long. As soon as I exited from Erin's unit, I went directly here but I was so consumed by my self-loathe that I didn't bother to knock.

"Oh my, what happened to you?" She crouched down and pulled me up. As we stood up, I hugged her.

"I fucked up, Livy. I fucked up." I mumbled and sniffed away the tears threatening to flow.

"Why? What happened?" She asked as she ran her hands up and down my back to console me.

But I don't think anything will be enough to console me. Only Erin will. Only her forgiveness.

I shook my head and just hugged her tighter.

"Come on, let's get you inside, brother." She patted my back but when I didn't move, she patted me again and firmly told me to come in.