Her Over Everything

Chapter 19

Zachary North

I fucked up.

I literally fucked up!

Everytime I close my eyes, all I could see was the hurt in her eyes and her walking away.

In that moment, I so wanted to chase her, hug her and tell her how sorry I was, but the woman I forgot the name of prevented me in doing so for I was naked. She said that, I would push her further away from me if I chase her butt naked.

Nevertheless, look how fate works. I didn't know if it was mocking me or helping me with my dilemma. I know I said I wanted to gain back the control I had to myself when it comes to Erin but I didn't want this! My conscience was eating me alive and I didn't have the courage to face her.

I mean, what would I tell her? Should I tell her that I am a ninny and couldn't even admit to myself that what I feel for her was more than attraction. Also, I was so afraid that I would hurt her and my sister in the end that's why I was doing what I was doing.

That's more than fucked up! How did I let this happen? How did my attraction towards her gotten deeper to the point that I couldn't control it anymore? That I lose all of my restraint I build up.

Why?

Why did a simple problem like this, I couldn't find a simple solution to? Why have I been running away ever since I admitted to myself that this was a problem? Why can't I just man up and ask her out like what Alex have been doing right now?

Why can't I just have an ounce of courage he has? I mean, look at him. You could clearly see in his face that he's happy walking her home from a simple dinner they had.

The way Erin kissed his cheek and hugged him, that's what I've been yearning for, that's my dream, honestly.

But being a coward I was, I did what I always do, follow and protect her without her knowledge. I've been doing this since our first kiss, but not always though. I do this personally whenever I knew she's wallowing into unwanted emotions. It may sound and look creepy but it was the only way I knew to accompany her whenever she's sad or lonely.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous seeing her and Alex together tonight. I mean trust me, I so wanted to hop off my car and tear his arms away from her and feed it to the K-9 dogs on-duty but since I was a fucking coward and didn't know how to face her, I remained seated in my car.

When I saw Erin got inside her building, that was the only time I calmed my demeanor and relaxed. Before I close my eyes, my phone disrupted the thick silence inside my car.

As I looked at the caller ID, I saw my Sanjay Gupta's name and I quickly answered it.

He is the Country Manager for Gupta's Flavors and Fragrances branch here in the country. He's the same age as me and a good friend. We are in a joint venture for one of NGC's division, which is a food chain.

"Sanjay." I answered briefly.

"Zachary, I'm glad you answered." His thick accent greeted me and continued, "You mentioned you wanted to schedule an ocular visit on our pepper farm in India, right?" He paused for a while and I hummed.

"I am going to have a vacation in India for a month, starting next week and I am inviting you to come as well so you could see it yourself." He said.

"That would be nice, I guess. But let me give you my answer tomorrow as I have to consider some stuff and whatnot. I'll call you tomorrow, Sanjay, and thank you for your offer." I said and he agreed and wished me goodnight. Likewise, I returned his wish and started my car to go home.