Until Then...

Chapter - 41A

Sometimes doesn't it feel unfair even though your existence is being weighted down by remorse, guilt and hopelessness but the world still keeps orbiting the sun at steady pace? The sun shine, the birds sing, seasons change and time moves on. Doesn't it make you feel like you are the odd one out?

Despite him wanting to hide under the duvet forever, the sun still pierced through the drapes and blinds and fell on his face. He Tian groaned and tossed on other side to hide himself from the intruder. But then the clock on nightstand started to ring tugging on his nerves already suffering from a hangover. He reached over to the clock and hit it irritatedly, making it take a dive to the floor coincidently. "Fuck..." he cursed and breathed out heavily against the pillows.

Massive headache seemed to rage inside his head and half cursing and half groaning, he got up from bed, kicking the duvet out of the way. His clothes from last night were scattered on the floor along with several empty bottles of alcohol. Holding his head in his hands, he sat on the edge of the bed naked, save for a pair of black briefs.

Lights seeped into the dark room in streaks against the carpet. Specks of dust danced in the spotlight as sparkles to unspoken tunes. He Tian stared at the carpet in a daze, mesmerized by the scene playing out near his bare feet. This room was where he committed the most heinous sin of his life. Overcame by jealousy, drowned in ego and pride, he ruined a person's life. Before he met Mo Guang Shan, he never thought there would come a day he regretted his actions. Love was sex and sex itself was everything there was to him in terms of romance but after he met Mo Guang Shan, everything changed.True, at first it was the defiance in that pair of brown eyes that attracted him but later it became electric burnt through his flesh and soul. He couldn't start to explain why he fell for Mo Guang Shan but he knew he would never feel the same toward another person in the rest of his life. And last night with that woman...he couldn't do it.

Even though he kissed her and felt the heat between their bodies, when it came down to it, he couldn't bring himself to step into that hotel room with her. How embarrassing for a mafia. He chuckled mockingly at the memory of him apologizing to the perplexed woman at the room and turned tail out of there before she could say anything. Despite the attraction of the skin and the blatant carnal desires, he couldn't do it. It was just fucking a pair of flesh, no emotion, no attachment; literally nothing exist between them but pure desires. But he was surprise he felt wrong. He felt disgusted to appear before Mo and said the words of love from his dirtied mouth.

It was frustrating, sometimes painful even to stay beside the person who didn't reciprocate your feelings and kept on loving them. It just got painful to the point he wanted, no, needed to find an escape even for a moment. But then...doing that would bring him nothing but more hell he had to deal with. "...Haaa...I want to see him..." gritting his teeth in frustrations, he got up and headed to clean his face before heading home. To see the red head. Only then he noticed the leap of heart beat inside his chest. The heart that sat still without a flutter when he shared a rather erotic kiss with the woman was now skipping in joy just from a thought of seeing him.

Was this a torture or a blessing? He didn't know but frankly, there was no much difference between the two. Either way, there was only one person who he could feel like loving with whole of his heart on this earth.

After spending a whole day of doing nothing but mistakes, Mo Guang Shan woke up on new day with a clear mind. He spent the morning in the kitchen making porridge in rather chirpy mood, humming himself away to a song on his phone. He didn't hear He Tian come in last night but since his car was still here, he guessed the dark haired devil hadn't gone out yet. He still didn't know how to face him or what was he going to do with these feelings now but thinking too much was not his style. Whatever happened, it would happen. It was not like he started picturing them hand in hand, walking on beach at sunset or being lovey dovey with each other like idiot couples. No. All he came to realize was he couldn't run away from this bastard and feeling jealous like a teenage girl because he liked him.