Photoshoot | H.S

41. Realization & Love

Now that I know you exist,
how do I not love you?

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Harry's POV :

My head is spinning. Thoughts are running through my head at a hundred miles per hour, questioning everything I thought I knew.

We're all sitting at a restaurant eating dinner, but I've barely had any appetite. I did force myself to eat the pasta I ordered just so Thea wouldn't worry. I haven't engaged in the conversations going around the table, I can't. My brain can only focus on one thing, and it's the one thing I thought I'd never feel. I was so content with that thought, but just from those pictures Thea showed me everything fell apart.

It's not necessarily a bad thing, I mean it feels amazing, but fuck, I'm scared.

The moment I saw specifically two photos of us looking very cuddly and loving. That's when it hit me. When I saw the way my eyes stared up at her, cherishing her, filled with happiness and love.
I realized that the feelings I have for her are beyond 'liking someone', fuck, they're beyond 'loving someone' as well. If she needed me to I would cut off both of my arms and give them to her, I'd go to the end of the fucking earth just to make her happy.

I love her more than I ever thought was humanly possible.

I didn't even think that I could ever love someone except for my mum and my sister. But I was most definitely wrong, just because I didn't know what it felt like or looked like, I was convinced I wouldn't ever experience it. But just by seeing those photos made me realize how blind I've been, now thinking about it I've most definitely loved her for months without really knowing it.

Feeling love for the first time romantically is overwhelming, I want to stand on the top of the highest building and scream it out at the top of my lungs. But I'm not even sure if I can tell Thea, what if she doesn't feel the same? Since I've known her she's always been talking about how she would never let herself fall in love again, just because it shattered her the last time. But on the other hand, what if she does love me? Maybe it is actually possible for someone to love me for me?

I would like to think she does, but I also wouldn't want to get my hopes up. I mean, I wouldn't blame her if she didn't. How am I supposed to tell Thea, though? I can't tell her while we're in Bali, what if she freaks out and breaks up with me? Then we're still gonna be stuck together for two weeks. But how do I keep going on with my life like normal? She knew immediately earlier that something was going on, and I can't lie to her. But not telling her would be me doing her a favor, at least for now. I will tell her, I swear to every single god out there that I will, but not now. I want it to be perfect.

And I'm not sure I'll be able to tell her before the fact that I love her has really sunken in, because right now I need some time to process it on my own. I know it sounds like I've just found out that she's my sister or something, which would be disgusting, but I'm so new to the feeling of loving someone that I need to get used to it.

I can't believe how blind I've been. Every single time I got butterflies in my stomach just from the way she looked at me, or the times that I've wanted to hold her so close until I'd be sure that she would stay in my grasp forever, every touch we shared that made my body lit on fire. All along I've been hopelessly in love with her, without even realizing it.