RANT BOOK

SO MUCH MORE PAIN

8-06-21

idk what to say.

i mean i have so much to say, but it's just hard to comprehend and im just in so much pain.

UGH this all started earlier today when i was supposed to facetime ethan but he played his games until 4 a.m so we never did and i didn't remind him cuz ik he doesn't like it and i feel bad when i ask, so anyways he apologized and was like "you should have reminded me" and i was like "you were playing ur game" and he was like "i would have gotten off." and i was like "idk. i know you don't really like it so i feel bad asking, and if you wanted to you would have remembered" and he was like "i wanted to i just got busy" BRUH anyways so we kinda talked about that and whatever then he was taking really long in between texts and i just started thinking a lot and i started crying REAL good (you can see at the top🙄) and then he was like "are you okay?" and i was like "no bruh" cuz i had a lot of shit to say cuz i was just really sad and basically i told him that he hurts me so much and it's getting really tiring putting so much effort into this relationship and getting nothing back. like, i'm understanding and i'm patient with him while he's playing his game and shit, i talk to him whenever i get the chance, i gave up FaceTime for him even tho it's important because i knew he didn't like it.

and he replied telling me that he's falling out of love with me 💔💔 and that it's been happening for a month and a half and he didn't tell me because he thought it would get better but it didn't. bruh my heart is shattered, i don't know what to DO. but anyways we kinda just talked about that for a while and like i cried REALLY hard for like 10 minutes but rn i can't cry, like it hurts so much that i can't do anything about it. but he told me he still loves me, he's just not in love with me. and he's supposed to come down to utah in TWO DAYS. i still want him to, because maybe there's a chance. idk, he says he wants to fix things and that he only wants me but the love is fading so UGH IDK WHAY TO DO OR WHAT TO THINK THIS IS SO SAD BRUH I SWEAR HE IS MY SOULMATE IDK WHAT IM GONNA DO WITHOUT HIM. it just hurts so bad. idk, we'll see when he comes here, maybe things will work out

hopefully this is not the end, because i have so much love for this boy i will NEVER get over it bruh. it took me 2 fucking years to get over a 3 month relationship with my sophomore boyfriend, like ??? and that wasn't even a real relationship. the love i have for ethan is the most genuine love i've felt in my life, everything about him just clicks. i don't want him to go away, it would hurt so bad.

anyways, i'll keep ya updated ig. manifest him falling back in love with me 💆🏼‍♀️