RANT BOOK

i miss him

08-14-21

it's only been 2 days but it feels like forever.

i don't know how to help myself. i don't even want to leave the house, because every time i'm alone in a car i can't stop crying. i don't want to cry anymore but i can't do anything else. it hurts so bad, i wish i still had him.

i held his hoodie while i slept because it was too hot to wear it. it doesn't smell like him, but it still feels like him. it hurts that i'll never get to feel him again, i'll never get to hold him or feel his skin. Or hear his voice, or kiss his lips. Or hold his hand, or fall asleep with him next to me. i never got to do those things very often anyways, but now that i can't have it ever again, it hurts so bad.

i miss the way we would laugh, and how he looked at me. I'll miss how he understood my love language perfectly, and was everything i ever needed. i'll miss how we loved each other, how we would have done anything to be together. i miss the beginning when he was in love, and so was i. i miss the feeling of finding your soulmate, thinking that you would have them forever. i miss how he remembered little things about me, even if i didn't remember telling him. i'll miss how he held my hand, no matter the circumstance. i miss him.

and i'll miss his family more than anything, because they always went out of their way to make me feel comfortable and safe no matter what. they were like my second family, i wish i could have them forever. they treated me so good from the start, even when i was still a stranger to them. they made me feel at home, even when i was 350 miles away from my own. they are one of a kind, i will never meet a group of people as amazing as they were. i'm going to miss them so so much.