RANT BOOK

update and new guy??

10/17/21

y'all idk what i wrote in my last one but the title was about taking a break again so i probably haven't updated since then lol so lemme do that

basically we took a break, again 😐 but it was genuine, like finally lost our (235🥲) streak and stopped talking. but the break only lasted 9 days 😭 that's a record tho.

but also he did text me like 5 days into the break 😐

well actually 😭 OKAY LISTEN. i literally miss that mf so much and i wanna be with him SO BAD so i did some research about manifesting and decided to try it and LITERALLY AN HOUR LATER A NOTIFICATION POPS UP THAT HE'S TYPING I WAS LIKE ?!?

but he never finished the text or like sent it so my STUPID ass decided to text him "you okay" like girl 🙄 but ya know, we just had a mini conversation about how he was sad and it was hard not talking to me or whatever but then we continued the break like 20 mins later.

and THEN like 3 days later i manifested again, and then the next day my cousins came over and as a joke i was holding my rose quartz and saying shit like "he is my soulmate" and "he is always thinking of me" and all that yk and NOT EVEN 10 MINUTES LATER THIS MF TEXTED ME ?!? my cousins were like 😀 AND OMG. basically he just asked me how i was doing and shit and then told me he thinks about me so much and he misses me and how it's been so lonely not talking to me and shit and i was like DAMN bruh.

anyways, since then we've been texting again and idk if it's good or bad. like ofc i miss him and wanna talk to him but it's so FUCKING HARD just being friends. like this is definitely temporary because either we're gonna be "friends" until he gets his shit together, or we're gonna stop talking completely because i can't just be "friends" with him forever bruh. it's gotta be one or the other because it's too hard. IDK IM JUST GONNA BE PATIENT AND HOPE FOR THE BEST BUT IDK IM SCARED cuz like the past few days he literally has only sent me like shoulder pics with a little bit of conversation in between. like bruh plz don't 😀

oh well. we'll see what happens.

anyways, in the meantime i met a guy from tik tok and we've been talking and we might hang out 😳

idk how i feel yet. this guy is genuinely SO sweet and like an exact copy of me. LITERALLY. and he's tall and he has a sense of style 😭 like he's perfect

but ethan :/

maybe it's too soon with this new guy, but idk. i keep telling myself to just "see what happens" but i just don't wanna end up hurting him because i'm forcing myself to do something i'm not ready for.

BUT IDK cuz he's a genuine guy and he JUST wants to take me on a date, plus he's willing to drive all the way to me (he lives in my state but like an house away) and UGH IDK. i just don't wanna hurt him if it ends up being too much.

IDK WE'LL SEE. i just hope everything works out.