RANT BOOK

I need a change

November 19, 2020

LMAO it's been a minute cuz nothing was really happening in life but now AOUHGUAGSL nothing too intense but UGH I'M A MESS. So that boy I was talking to that ghosted me after like 2 months HIT ME UP AGAIN UGH SDH:FLKJSF and was all like "i been missing you we should hang" and all that shit like OKAY SURE LETS HANG AND BE FRIENDS but then this man is all "can I kiss you?" like bruh.. i just KNOW this man is tryna use me again cuz i was so easy to get LMAO bruh i hate it here. i just wanna be appreciated bruh.

IDK WHAT TO DO THO CUZ LIKE IT'S NOT THAT I DONT WANNA KISS HIM I JUST KNOW ITS GONNA BE A BAD IDEA CUZ WE BOTH WANT DIFFERENT THINGS IN GENERAL AND ITS JUST CONNA END THE SAME AS LAST TIME UGH. i just want a relationship man, not just meaningless sex with someone you met at a high school dance LMAO.

I'm genuinely so sad cuz I want it so bad but that's something that's so hard to find when you're 17 lmao. I just wanna be loved for once in my life bro, like so bad. IDK MAN I HATE MEN BUT HE'S NICE SO IT'S HARD TO DISLIKE HIM IDK. idk man.

anyways... been doing really bad in school and mentally not sure how i'm doing lol like better than i was last year but like kinda worse than the summer and IDK WHAT TO DO like motivation is GONE and I barely get anything done anymore and idk why tho like what even caused this. I really want to pass my classes and graduate but idk what to do with myself right now. like i can barely even get 30 minutes of school work done per day and i'm supposed to do 4 hours at least.. FUUUCCCKKKKKK.

HONESTLY what I really need is a change, like I need to move away and start over. but I can't cuz i'm 17 UGHHHHSHFJKASHLDH like I went to my cousin's house for a few days to do homework and like i didn't do a ton but i did WAY better than what I do at home and bro I can't even tell you how good it would be for me mentally if I could just move down there with my cousin. Like that part of my family genuinely love me and it's so so refreshing to hear the words "I love you" from someone who really means it. Just being around my family is so good for my mental health altogether man. i mean I know my parents have good intentions for me but right now they just make me really sad. just cuz recently it's really been affecting me that they've never told me they love me IDK MAN THATS ALL I EVER TALK ABOUT BUT SERIOUSLY IT AFFECTS ME SO BAD. I just need to get away for a while idk man. I would just really miss my friends and coworkers lol that's basically it... idk mam, lots to think about butttt hopefully things start to get better.