RANT BOOK

it went well 😀

november 1, 2021

currently still on my way home from montana 😃 it's 10:18 p.m and i'm still an hour and a half away from home 💔 it sucks sm bruh cuz i get night driving anxiety and UUUGGGGHHHH this is the second time i've stopped somewhere since Ethan dropped me off AT 7:30. it's taken me almost 3 hours (i could've been home by now) to drive HALF OF THE WAY BRUH. i HATE MY FUCKING ANXIETY.

anyways i thought i'd just update since i'm currently sitting in the parking lot of a maverick in idaho lolz.

the trip went very good :) like VERY good.

so basically i left at like 2:30 on saturday and i met Ethan halfway in like st. anthony or some shit buttt i was literally SO NERVOUS THE WHOLE DRIVE BRUH and when i finally saw him bruh and i got to HUG HIM omg bruh. like a breath of fresh air. and the first day was just us getting used to it kinda, like it wasn't like it used to be until like later in the day while i was in montana and BRUH I FORGOT MY SUITCASE WTF. it's okay it was only 2 nights but STILL. i just borrowed ethan's clothes lol.

ANYWAYS later that night we were laying on the side of his bed kinda cuddling and he said "i don't know how to act" n shit and i said "whatever's okay, i'm still comfy" lol ANYWAYS then we got into his bed like under the sheets and cuddled and we like just looked into each other's eyes for like 5 straight minutes bruh and then WE KISSEDDDDD WOOOO and it was swag, we also UHHHH fucked AHAHAH but bruh i'm on my period so that was the first time doing that 😳 it wasn't as messy as i thought tho lol. we also were hangin out with no shirts for like 2 hours bruh and he was playing clash royale with his brother in the next room and then HIS BROTHER KNOCKS ON THE DOOR and he's like "i'm coming in" and we both freaked and Ethan was like "do not come in" HAUSHS and then his brother laughed and said "sus-o-meter off the charts" or some shit and it was funny 😀

anyways after that, since both of us have terrible eating habits, we went out to the kitchen and ate pizza at like 3 a.m lol and it was pretty good. then we went to bed 😌 and woke up around like 4 p.m bruh we're bad. but it's okay cuz we didn't have much goin on. and since i forgot all my clothes i decided to be Ethan for halloween lol. i wore his hat, hoodie, joggers, and socks bruh. it was swag 😌 i also got to meet his best friend and he was actually kinda swag lol. anyways, we went to his brothers girlfriends house to get pictures and then we all went back to ethan's house and his family threw a little halloween party with snacks and movies and it was so cute bruh :) i didn't eat anything until later tho because i get anxious eating with other people and it SUCKS 😃

anyways, we just cuddled on the couch and watched this movie called Trick r' Treat and it made no sense but some sense at the same time AHAHA i didn't fully pay attention tho so idk 🤨 anyways then after that we dropped off ethan's friend and then went to winco to get snacks but we went on a drive after for a while and that was pretty okay but i was just LITERALLY starving like i didn't feel hungry but my body NEEDED food bruh but i couldn't eat my salad til we got home 😔 but it was okay lol. then when we got home Ethan tattooed this girl and while he was doing that, me, his sister, and his brothers girlfriend all went into the bathroom and had a girl chat lol and it was so swag. i love being a part of that bruh :) and then when ethan was done with the tattoos everyone left to take the girl home and me and ethan went to his room to cuddle and then while we were cuddling he said "do you still want to talk about stuff?" and i said "we probably should" but bruh i'm so bad at TALKING like idk how to say what i'm trying to say and it sucks. but i think i got most of what i wanted.

basically i asked him how he was feeling, like about us and everything and like what he wanted and he said "i want to be with you" and AHHHH and i was like "are you sure? cuz i know things kinda change when i go away." and THIS MAN WAS CRYING 💔 and he said "i don't want to waste any more time not being with you" AHHHHH bruh 😃 my heart. AND he also said "thank you for not giving up on me" and UGAHAISHS bruh i'm so happy. i'm SO happy. and he asked me to be his girlfriend for real this time AHHHHHH i'm so happy. i really hope we can work things out this time.

cuz ya know that's basically just a summary of what happened, we also talked about what we were both scared of (he was scared of it happening again and didn't want the fear to get in the way) so hopefully we can talk more about that and figure out what we can do to make it easier and shit. but AVEISHAIAH guys i'm so happy :) I HAVE HIM AGAIN. i really hope we can make this work because i do not wanna go through that heart break again 😀 this shit was absolutely terrible.

i'm also just sad bruh because it's so hard :( and it's literally JUST because of the distance. like when we're together in person, everything is just like EXACTLY how it's supposed to be. it's just easy, i hate that we have to be so far :/ BUT his parents literally told me that i should move there and so 😳 if i get a new job and save up enough to get a car then i can move there :) and prob get my GED first lol. BUT idk i hope things work out this time :)

OH YEAH and then today we woke up at like 3 then got starbucks then went to the mall to eat and then drove me halfway (to rexburg) and i didn't cry as much this time :) but that's also cuz i was scared of crying while driving at night lol i had to pull over cuz i needed to cry and cuz i was so freaked out about driving and i called my dad and I ACCIDENTALLY SAID "oh fuck" AND AHDIAHDIDHI like to some people that's probably not a big deal but my parents are mormon and i can't even say damn in front of them 😀 OMG IM EMBARRASSED but he didn't even say anything lol.

anyways, it took me until like 11:30 to get home bruh, i stopped like 3 times cuz im CRINGE. anyways, trip was successful :) i prob have some stuff i still need to talk to ethan about but WOOOO. hopefully i get to see him again soon.

OKAY GOODNIGHT