Autumn

17) Miss Us?

Butterfly Repose- Zabawa

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers."

L.M. Montgomery
Anne of Green Gables

*****
A couple days after the hospital situation I went back to school. It was only the second week, and I had gone back on a Thursday. I was stressed out, but knowing that I was missing more work, just made it worse.

I didn't talk to the group much for the rest of that week, and some time after that.

Too much had happened in one fucking week with them and my family, I just needed a break from everything and everyone.

I think they realized I wanted some time away, because no one bothered bombarding me to sit with them, or ask if I wanted to go out.

They only did casual occasional check ups, which I would respond too, just short answers.

I felt bad for ignoring them, but I physically could not deal with anyone. I would've said something that would've hurt someone's feeling, then I would've felt terrible and guilty about it later.

I did text Quinn though, to see how her hang out with Iris went.

She said, "I think I'm in love with her already. She's funny, super nice, and the top she was wearing she crocheted it herself, how fucking cool is that." She explained that they ended up going to a desert shop to try different sweets, and overall had a great time.

Her text read that they also scheduled another day to hang out as well, so I guess it's going well.

I'm happy for her, she deserves someone who makes her cheerful all the fucking time.

She's the only one I've had an actual conversation with this whole time though, the others were just simple words exchanged in passing.

Ever since the ice cream thing too, Reid has given me space just the same as everyone else, which I'm thankful for.

We've sat next to each other in classes like the first day, but the only words spoken were when I dropped my pencil and I asked him to pick it up. It's almost like the world decided to fuck with my life some, then put my past plan into action.

The one where I don't talk to anyone, and don't make close relationships. The past few weeks I've been kind of invisible, and lonely/alone, I can't tell which one.

I've done my work in class, my homework, then gone home, or somewhere else by myself.

I'm now getting a taste of what the rest of my year could like, but honestly.....I kind of miss those dumbasses.

And I hate that it took me this long to admit it.

*****

It's currently September 30th, Thursday, and it's the fourth week of school. I haven't hung out with the group, since Alex's which was a few weeks ago. I kind of knocked myself off the face of the planet for a bit.

My Dad is still being monitored in the hospital. Not long after he was admitted, they asked me if I wanted him to stay there to try their rehab program.