I'm Not Fine At All

Chapter 61

When Zayn arrived at the hospital, he immediately rushed to Liam's side, kneeling in front of where the boy was sitting in the waiting room. "Li, babes, what's going on? Niall didn't tell me the full story." Liam sniffled and sat up, pulling Zayn up to sit in the chair next to him. "We were...we were at the mall and Niall and I were sitting on the benches, and I guess Harry wandered off without us, but we didn't notice. So we were sitting there and we heard all of this shouting at the Yankee Candle and then this guy was running through the mall, yelling for someone to call nine-nine-nine. And then, I just had this sinking feeling in my gut that it was Harry. So Niall and I went there and-" Liam stopped getting choked up as he remembered the sight of the little boy, lying in a pool of his own blood. "Harry was laying on the ground, and his head was bleeding really bad. So, the paramedics came and they took him here, and they said that he lost a lot of blood. They sent him into surgery immediately and we haven't heard anything new yet."

Zayn teared up a little bit and he wrapped his arm around Liam, pulling him in close. "Where's Niall?" He asked, not seeing the blonde boy anywhere in the waiting room. "He went off to get us some coffee and stuff to do. He wanted to do it now because he figures they're less likely to have news now." Zayn nodded and laid his head on top of Liam's, the two just sharing a deep moment. "What did the other guys say when you told them?" Liam asked, his voice muffled from the angle he was sitting at. "Ashton is in Australia right now and I couldn't reach him by phone, but I texted him so at least he knows, Calum said he's on the way and should be here pretty soon, and Michael said he'll come over once he gets off work. Did you call Louis?" Liam nodded, his eyes tearing up again as he thought about Louis's reaction, the pure pain in his voice as he broke down. "He's getting on a plane as soon as he can book a flight. He'll probably be here by tomorrow if I had to guess."

Zayn nodded and looked up when he heard the sliding glass doors open, his eyes lighting up when he saw Niall carrying a few plastic shopping bags in one hand and a coffee cup carrier loaded with three cups in the other. "Sorry I took so long, boys. The shop had some great books and I was too far in my head that I just kind of let myself get into it. Here you are." He handed them each a steaming cup and then laid his shopping bags down as he sat next to Liam. "Any news?" Liam shook his head and gave Niall a sad look. "Well, no news is good news, right?" Niall asked, his voice too high-pitched for him to sound honest. He shut his mouth and took a sip of his coffee, not wanting to think about it anymore. "What did you get at the shops, Niall?" Zayn asked, needing to break the uncomfortable silence and give them all something to do. Niall smiled at the older boy gratefully and knelt on the floor, digging through the bags.

"Right. I got us some adult coloring books and some colored pencils and markers, I got some earbuds in case you guys forgot yours and want to listen to music or watch something, I got candy and cookies and biscuits and all sorts of unhealthy snacks, and germ-x since Liam is a germophobe, and then I also picked out a few books for you guys to read in case you want to be boring and read a stupid book." Niall was trying desperately to lighten up the mood, hating how dark and dingy it all felt, and Liam and Zayn were so grateful for it. It felt so much better that Niall was acting like his normal self. "Thank you, Niall. Could I actually have those earbuds? I have a craving to watch Batman." Zayn nudged Liam, who strained a smile even though Batman was his favorite movie. "Want to watch with me?" Zayn asked him, waiting for the boy to say no, that he wasn't in the mood. He smiled widely when Liam nodded his head, though, and passed him the right earbud.

Niall smiled at the two and curled up in his chair with his own earbuds, turning on New Girl just for background noise. He didn't really feel like watching it, though, and just sat, staring straight at the wall as the intro to the tv show played through his earbuds. His eyes dampened as he thought about the first time he had watched the show. He was curled up in bed with Harry at the younger boy's house. It was right after Harry, Anne, Robin, and Liam had moved into the family's new house and Harry had been feeling lonely in such an unfamiliar neighborhood. Harry was thirteen and Niall was fourteen, and neither of them had ever seen the show, so when Niall came over for a sleepover they decided to watch it together. They had laughed the whole way through the first episodes, their heads touching as they watched it on Niall's old clunky laptop. Harry had fallen asleep on Niall's shoulder in the middle of the sixth episode and Niall tucked him into bed, kissing his cheek before getting into his sleeping bag on the floor so as not to disturb the sleeping boy. He hadn't thought about that moment in so long and he wanted to start sobbing all over again.

Calum came into the building about ten minutes later and Niall hopped up from his chair the second he saw him, jumping into the bigger boy's arms. "Hey, Ni. Hi, Liam, Hi, Zayn," Calum greeted as he stroked over the blonde hair of the boy wrapped around him. Niall's legs were squeezed tight around the boy's waist and his arms were around his neck, holding him so close. Zayn paused their movie and stood up to hug the boy, maneuvering his way around the blonde boy attached to his torso. Liam gave him a pained smile, waving at him. "Any news?" Calum asked, a worried look on his face. The two older boys shook their heads at him and he seemed to deflate, the blonde still hanging from around his neck. "Hey, Ni, bud, I'm gonna sit down so I need you to let go. Why don't you go sit with Liam?" Niall reluctantly released his hold on Calum and walked over to where Liam was sitting, curling up in his lap so his head was resting in the crook of the boy's neck.

The same doctor that had examined Harry when he was first brought in came into the room, looking for Liam and Niall. "Styles?" She called, grabbing the attention of the four boys. They all stood up and went over to her, nervous looks clouding all of their faces. "Could I talk to you boys in private?" She asked, gesturing to her office. The four of them followed her in and she shut the door behind them, motioning for them to all take a seat on her couch. "Well, I just got news about Harry from the general surgeon." Liam looked up, tears welling in his eyes, tears of hope and fear. "He says that the boy is still in critical condition but his body is taking the blood transfusion very well. It will be another two or three hours before he's done, but from the looks of it, he is going to come out of surgery alive. The first night, though, is what is the real decision-maker. It's going to be a long, hard night for him. His body is going to be working the hardest it's ever worked to try and heal him. I can't guarantee you that he can make it. His body is frail and his skull never fully recovered from his earlier trauma."

Liam took a shuddering breath and gripped Niall's hand until his knuckles turned bone-white. "I'm not saying this to scare you or hurt you. I just need you to know the truth. There is a very high chance that he won't make it. Were you with him when he collapsed?" Liam and Niall both shook their heads, feeling guilt flood their bodies. "Well, the reason he collapsed was that his brain started hemorrhaging. He never healed all the way, as I said, and a vessel burst in his brain, making him bleed internally. The hemorrhaging would have caused severe pressure in his head, almost like the feeling of a migraine. That's probably why he didn't realize something was wrong, he just thought it was a headache. If he survives the night, and that is a big if, you need to make sure that he is kept under very careful supervision to ensure that he doesn't injure himself any further."

Liam nodded, his whole body feeling numb as the doctor's words swam around in his brain. Harry might die. Harry had a low chance of even living through the night. He stood from his chair and walked out of the room, not stopping until he reached the outdoors. The others watched him go sadly, not even able to understand half of what Liam was feeling. Niall stood to go follow him, but Zayn stopped him with a hand on his arm, shaking his head at the blonde boy. "But, he needs me," Niall whimpered, tears welling in his eyes. "Babe, give him some time to think this over. He was just told his brother might not even be alive by tomorrow morning. He needs space and alone time." Niall pouted but sat back down on the couch, allowing himself to be pulled into Zayn's tight embrace. It wasn't as good as it would be if he was holding Liam, but it was support, and that's what he needed.

Liam sat on the pavement outside and just sobbed, loud, heart-wrenching sobs that echoed across the parking lot. He pulled at his hair and kicked at the ground, wanting to rip his own skin off his body. How is it that he was sitting there, perfectly fine and healthy, while Harry was back inside battling for his life? Could the world not just let the boy be? He was so young and innocent, what did the world have against him? He had never done anything wrong in his life. He didn't deserve what was happening to him. Liam cried until he ran out of tears, and then he pounded his fists on the pavement, not caring that he was scratching them up and bleeding all over the place. He just wanted to be able to feel something, to feel at least a fraction of the pain that Harry was feeling as he lay on that operating table.