SEE YOU IN HEAVEN [FANTASERIES #2]

Chapter Twenty Nine: Casper

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

CASPER

I felt my whole world collapsing when I heard that. Lot of thoughts rushed inside my head and all of them were negative as I stared at Casper. He seems like he's having a hard time but he keeps holding my hand like that's the only thing he's caring for.

"C-casper..." my tears started to fall. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what to say except his name.

Casper just keeps on breathing heavily. His head resting on his seat with his eyes closed. "I-I'm ok—"

"No!" I cried. "You're not!" I shouted. This time, I found out that he's just trying to be okay all this time. He's just trying to mask everything so I won't see it. He's too good at pretending. I thought he's just being different because of the situation but saying that he's okay when he's obviously not, I know he's just pretending all this time. I confirmed it all.

He's not okay. He's just trying to be okay as I am because I look more miserable than he is.

"Let's g-go home..." hirap na saad niya. I shook my head but he tried to look at me. "Nemesis..."

"Casper please..." I pleaded. I suddenly forgot that I won't say please to anyone. That I won't beg no matter how tough the situation was. I suddenly became desperate.

"D-don't beg... let's...go home...I-I'm fine..." he assured me. "Just d-don't let go..."

I nodded while crying. I started the engine with my left hand. I almost couldn't insert the key because of my trembling hands but I tried to calm myself down. Casper went silent with his eyes closed. Nakasandal ang ulo niya sa bintana. He looks so weak and fragile. Para siyang batang may sakit. Gone the laughs that I heard earlier. Gone his playful aura. Gone the amusement in his eyes that I always see... and all I can hear is his silent groan from his heavy breathing and his difficult face expression.

"C-casper..." My tears just wouldn't stop. I don't know why it wouldn't but...the fear building up inside me answers it all.

I can't lose Casper.

I don't want to lose him.

I want someone to stay with me this time.

"Hmmm?" he answered, almost a whisper.

I squeezed my eyes shut trying to concentrate on driving. "Y-you're not..." I tried not to sob. "Y-you're not...leaving me, right?"

"A-anyo..." he answered. "Not until you're okay..."

But I can't be okay without you.

I was trying to find answers but all I found is that I'm scared of losing Casper. For so long that I've been alone, the people around me didn't bother to break my walls even just for a bit even they're with me for so long. Most of them turned their backs on me, but Casper came and just in a short period of time he breaks my walls little by little to assure that I'm okay. To assure that I'm not alone no matter how hard I push him away from my comfort zone.

I depended on him that even I don't say a single thing, as long as he's there...I will be fine. I will calm down... but how can I do that when he's gone? I want to be practical because I know that he's already dead and he will leave sooner or later but until now...since I found myself depending on him...I just couldn't accept that fact and bear in my mind that he won't be by my side forever.

"C-casper..." I cried. I heard a lot of honks behind my car but I couldn't care less. I couldn't even step on the gas and on the breaks accordingly. I can't move the steering wheel. I just stucked up. Casper's eyes opened a little and tried to look back.